Page 202 of Ashborne: Defiance

He huffed, and not with laughter. ‘Voski, the bond is what we are meant for. It is a reflection of the Creator’s heart, a gift given to us to offer and enjoy. It was given for your blessing, not your curse.’

‘The cursed parts of me receive it just as much as the good.’

‘But it does not feed those parts of your soul that still fight the dark.’

I gave him a look. ‘Yes, it does. I felt it, Kham. I feel it. Last night she was in crisis and at one point my body took my mind to taking her. It was sick!’

‘To want your mate is not sick. It is good. And right. And so much more than physical union.’

‘I’m sure that’s true when it’s done right.’ I was muttering, even in the link. ‘But I don’t trust myself. I can’t. That’s the light in me, Kham. Remember that. It’s the good part of me that is wary—on her behalf.’

‘You confuse your drive to protect, with the depth of the need. The two are created to co-exist.’

‘One will always win.’

‘Yes. The right one. As the Creator intended. Or, do you accuse Him of wanting to trip you up? Of bringing you a test you cannot pass just so He might condemn you?’

‘No. I know what he would want from me, and I know myself. I’m not capable of it, Kham. Whatever the intent of a bond might be, I am weak and flawed. Look how I’ve hurt her already!’

‘You hurt her by fighting the deepest part of your purpose with her. You hurt yourself in that, as well.’

I wanted to argue. Wanted to insist that he acknowledge what he knew. But thinking of her made me anxious to be certain she was safe. And that desire to be close to her built the fire in my belly to have her.

It was just proof that I was right. But, of course, my dragon saw all those thoughts in my head.

‘Voski, you were made for this. If the Creator made her for you, he made you able to love her.’

I recoiled at that word, even as my heart exploded with nerves and fizzing hope. ‘The conversation is pointless. I couldn’t touch her while she was dealing with this,’ I sent, nodding because I was sure of that much. Even if I could let go of the rest, I knew that. ‘Not until she’s feeling safe in her skin. God, I couldn’t risk mixing up her fear with that. I’d need to wait until she was back in a steady place so she could receive me without confusion—’

Kham rumbled pleasantly and I realized what I’d just said. ‘That was a philosophical answer!’ I sent hurriedly. ‘I wasn’t saying I would—’

‘Have you considered, that intimacy, and safety with you, might be precisely what she needs to find her steadiness?’ he asked carefully. ‘Her heart yearns for safety. Everything is new, and now she’s suffered a true blow. What if what she needs most right now, in order to heal and face this new world, is you? What if your denial makes her pain worse?’

I was startled. The thought had never occurred to me.

That space in my chest, the hollow that had opened from the first moment the dragons bonded, it sang. Fluttered. Thrilled at that idea.

I imagined going to her, finding her in the barracks, catching her eye across the room and summoning her to me, pulling her away, sinking into the shadows together, plunging my hands into her hair, taking her mouth and—

‘Kham! Stop!’

My dragon growled, though he wasn’t angry. ‘Stubborn, stubborn, stubborn,’ he hissed in my head.

‘That wasn’t fair.’

‘Your resistance of the bond that weaves between all of us is what is not fair,’ he muttered.

I blinked. “But you and Koa are already—”

‘Do you really believe your denial has no impact on us? Do you tell yourself I would push you to anything I do not believe is for your best?’

‘Do you really believe I would resist something I thought would be good for me? For her?’ I asked him with equal gravity.

Kham groaned a sigh and dropped his head again, nudging me with his snout. ‘One day,’ he sent quietly, his tone resigned. ‘One day you will look back and see that I led you well.’

‘I already do,’ I said, scratching his face again. ‘It’s how I know that I have to take special care with her right now. You taught me that. You showed me how to walk another soul through this.’

‘And yet, you do not follow my example with your mate. The most precious of all.’