Page 20 of Coming Clean

“Very funny,” Connor said.“Jeremy can just tell me.”

“Goodnight!” shecalled.

****

Marines donot get nervous. How many times hadConnor tried to convince himself of that in the last week? Hewanted to believe it, but the fluttery feeling in his chest as hedrove to Jeremy’s house the next evening told him otherwise.Sabrina was wrong about him disliking Jeremy, but hewas uncomfortablearound him. Jeremy seemed uncomfortable too, or at least flustered.And the way he looked when he was flustered was… distracting. WouldConnor even be able to keep up a conversation with him on the driveto the theater?

This is a bad idea. I’monly going to want him more.

He wants you,too.

He likes looking. Thatdoesn’t mean anything. If he talked to me for long, he’d change hismind. I’m nothing like him.

Then maybe tonight willcure you. Maybe his love for Shakespeare will be aturn-off.

For someone else that mighthave been the case but Connor was certain that seeing Jeremyexcited about the play was only going to make his crush harder.When he talked about things that excited him, the increased pace ofhis words and the brightness of his eyes made Connor want to grabhim and kiss him senseless. Something about the way Jeremy gotworked up over little things made Connor certain he’d be thatenthusiastic in bed, warm, bright, flushed and…

Fuck!When had he cared about any of that? All that hadmattered in the past was a willing partner to shove his dick into.The sex had been fast and furious, a wild rush to get off while thefear of discovery hung over their heads. He’d fucked in storageclosets, bathrooms, filthy alleys, back rooms of bars that weren’tmuch cleaner, and even once over a desk in a unoccupied meetingroom. Every encounter had been about getting off, about a need thathad built too high not to attend to it. Like the rush that camewith the danger of a mission, sex had fed a need.

Sex with Jeremy would beabout more than how hard Connor could fuck him, or how quickly hecould make him come. Dammit, now Connor was getting hard justthinking about Jeremy’s pale skin and what it would be like totouch and taste him when he was stretched out naked inbed.

****

When Connorrang the bell at Jeremy’s house, he was grinning like a loonbecause he remembered Jeremy sliding across the floor in hisridiculous socks. Would Jeremy wear them again? Connor doubted it,since he’d seemed embarrassed by them. He’d probably wear thehippie sandals he’d worn the day before. Since when did Connor evennotice other guys’ shoes? In the military, the only time he paidattention to shoes were when his blisters got so bad he knew he wasbleeding, or when he had to shine parade boots—he’d been damn sureno one’s boots looked better than his.

If Jeremy wore those sillysocks, Connor wouldn’t feel so intimidated or so like an idiot fornot understanding what the fuck was happening on the stage. Howcould anyone be embarrassed when the man beside them was wearingneon socks?

Jeremy opened the door afew seconds later, wearing sandals as Connor had expected, jeans,and a t-shirt from Wentworth College. It was faded and worn like ithad been through the wash a hundred times or more. It must haveshrunk a bit, or else Jeremy had been working out, because it wastight across his chest and shoulders, showing off defined musclesConnor hadn’t realized were there. Jeremy took care of himself verywell.

“Hi.”

Connor realized he’d beenstaring. What had Jeremy said? “Um… hi. Sorry. I was…distracted.” Don’t talkanymore.

Jeremy smiled. “That’sokay. I usually am, especially around you. Wait. That didn’t comeout right.”

He’s flirting with you.Respond to it.

I can’t.

You can face down an enemywho’ll do anything to achieve his goals but you can’t flirt with aman you desperately want?

Yeah. That’s…yeah.

“I’m almost ready. I’m justgoing to grab a sweater and a blanket. It gets cold out there bythe end of the play.”

“Oh, that’s a good idea,”Connor said. “I didn’t think about that.”

“You want to borrow asweatshirt? I have a few that are big on me. I think they would fityou.” Jeremy’s gaze skimmed his shoulders and then dropped lowerfor a fraction of a second before he met Connor’s gaze again,cheeks reddening.

He wants you.“That would be great, if you don’tmind.”

“No, I don’t mind at all.”Jeremy gave Connor a shy smile, and dashed off. Connor was stillstanding on the doorstep so he moved into the foyer and shut thedoor.

He was ridiculously excitedabout wearing Jeremy’s sweatshirt. How old was he anyway, thirteen?He couldn’t help it though. Would it smell like him?Connor hadn’t dared get close enough to reallyanalyze Jeremy’s scent, but his bedroom smelled lemony, fresh, likesummer. Would Jeremy smell like that too? Connor could imagine himin the middle of a summer day, lying naked in a meadow, sated andflushed after…

What the fuck? He had tostop this. He and Jeremy weren’t going on a date, not that he’dknow what to do if they were since he’d never actually been on oneunless taking a girl to prom as a favor to make her ex jealouscounted. He didn’t want to date Jeremy anyway, even if hecould.

You’re such a fuckingliar.