Page 34 of His Reckless Freshman

Her hands drop away from her face, and she turns to give me a wide-eyed look. “What do you mean, prepared me?” She looks so mystified. I can’t believe she doesn’t know this stuff already.

“You know… given you an orgasm. Made sure you were wet and ready.”

Her expression scrunches even more, like she doesn’t understand what I’m saying and is maybe a little grossed out by how candid I’m being.

I brush my hand across my mouth before asking, “Uh… you’ve had an orgasm before, right? Like… even when you’re just touching yourself? Things like that help make the whole experience more pleasurable for you. It relaxes your body and…”

Now her lips are parting, her entire face flushing red, and I’m wondering if she’s ever had an orgasm in her life.

Shit, who is this girl?

And why am I still sitting here diving into this conversation?

Bail, man. Bail now!

But I can’t.

I can’t get up and walk away from those big, vulnerable eyes. They’re getting all glassy again and…

Shit. I can’t leave her like this.

11

JOLIE

“You’ve, um… You know what I’m talking about, right? You’ve had an orgasm?” Ben’s words are so soft, his tone undemanding, yet I feel like I’m at my own inquisition, every judgmental eye from my life glaring at me while I have to admit this stuff.

I should go. I should just⁠—

His elbow gives mine a very gentle nudge, and I end up murmuring, “I don’t know.”

“Wait, what? You don’t—” His words cut off, and he gives me a mildly shocked look. “If you don’t know, then you probably haven’t had one before. I’m guessing you haven’t quite found that sweet spot when you’re touching yourself.”

I bulge my eyes and quickly look away from him. My skin must be on fire right now. I can feel another surge of heat rushing to my cheeks, and I end up covering my face and whispering, “Why do you keep saying that?”

“Saying what?”

“‘Touching yourself,’ like it’s not this… bad thing.”

“Bad thing?” His expression bunches. “What are you talking about?”

I swallow, suddenly not wanting to reveal the conversation I had with one of my youth group leaders when I was twelve. She told me that masturbation was sinful and we needed to keep our minds on pure things. This was reinforced at school, and I’d rather die than talk to my parents about it.

“Come on. Don’t be embarrassed.” Ben smiles like he’s purposefully trying to ease my tension. He should stop. He’s trying too hard, and it’s making me uncomfortable. Or maybe it’s just this heinous conversation. “Orgasms are the best. You know that high where you feel like you’re gonna explode with the best feeling ever? It runs through your entire body, captures you in this perfect moment of ecstasy. That’s nothing to be ashamed of. That’s worth celebrating.” His face is alight with this kind of joy I don’t think I’ll ever come close to feeling.

Sex isn’t about pleasure—so I’ve discovered.

It was only designed to make babies anyway, so I really shouldn’t have been messing around with it.

“Are you seriously telling me you’ve never touched yourself? Not even once?”

Squirming in my seat, I pick up my pen and start chewing the end, softly mumbling, “Maybe once or twice. I guess I’ve kind of felt tingling before, but… then I just felt bad.” She winces.

“Why?” He shifts, angling to face me better and resting his arm on the table. “It’s the most natural thing in the world.”

“It’s sinful.” I mouth the word, then look around, making sure no one can hear this conversation.

Phew. We’re the only ones in here.