Page 148 of Say My Name

His hand slides into my hair, and he kisses me with enough force to tip my head back. His tongue strokes mine, hungry and familiar, and the relief nearly takes my knees out from under me.

I know the rough sound he makes when I drag my nails over his back and the exact pressure of his hand on my hip when he’s trying not to lose control.

Dominic pulls my blouse free from my skirt and cups my breast through my bra. I moan into his mouth.

“Tell me to stop,” he says.

“No.”

His hand stills. “Tell me what you want.”

“I don’t want you to stop.” I catch his face between my hands. “I want this. I want you.”

He searches my eyes before kissing me again.

We move down the hall, undressing each other between desperate kisses. My blouse drops near the kitchen. His tie lands outside the bedroom.

My back reaches the bedroom wall.

Dominic unhooks my bra and lowers his mouth to my breast. His tongue circles my nipple before he sucks it between his lips, and pleasure hits low and sharp.

“God, Dominic.”

His hand slides beneath my skirt and cups me through my panties. I’m already wet enough that the fabric clings to me.

I rock against his palm. He lifts his head and sees the tears gathering in my eyes.

His hand leaves my body immediately. “We can stop.”

“I don’t want to.”

“You’re crying.”

“I know.” I wipe my cheek. “I still want you.”

“Elena, this is going to make tomorrow harder.”

“Tomorrow already hurts.”

For a second, the desire in his face gives way to raw grief.

I reach for his belt, but he catches my wrist.

“There’s something else we need to say before this goes any further.”

I know what he means. The arrangement ended last night. Whatever assumptions existed inside it ended too.

“We’re not using a condom,” I say.

“We haven’t been because we were trying to conceive. We aren’t trying now.” His hand remains around my wrist, loose enough that I could pull away. “You could still get pregnant tonight.”

There is no calendar or app to tell us how likely pregnancy is. The agreement that once governed this choice is gone. Dominic is asking me directly and trusting me to answer.

“I know.”

“If you want protection, I’ll use it.”

I could wake up pregnant after Dominic leaves and have to face everything I keep refusing to say.