Page 92 of Say My Name

The loss of his warmth irritates me even though I’m the one who brought up the appointment.

“Yes,” he says. “We need to decide what we’re doing about it.”

I return to my chair and reopen the confirmation email. The appointment button is green, and the cancellation link waits beneath it in smaller type.

My gaze fixes on the confirmation email. “We can keep it. There’s no reason we can’t proceed as planned.”

“If that’s what you want.”

“We could keep the appointment and also try naturally during the next window.”

“We could.”

I look up. “You’re being very agreeable.”

“I don’t want to use what happened to influence you. You chose that medical option for a reason.”

I stop reaching for counterarguments. Dominic wants natural conception. He has never hidden that. He could make an argument based on cost, timing, stress, or the fact that the clinic attempt failed. Instead, he removes his preference from the decision, so I can make it without feeling indebted for the night in my bed.

I meet his eyes. “What do you want?”

“I want you to choose the method you’re comfortable with.”

“That is infuriatingly careful.”

“It needs to be.”

I click into the clinic portal and look at the appointment details. The sterile room. The paperwork. Dominic providing a sample alone while I wait down the hall. All the distance I built into the process is available.

I don’t want it today.

My hand is steady on the mouse. I look at him, the decision settling into something solid and certain. “I want to cancel.”

He doesn’t smile or move closer. “Are you sure?”

“Yes. I want us to try naturally.”

“Only during confirmed ovulation?”

I start to answer, then stop. If I make the new method another schedule, I can keep pretending sex is just part of the procedure, like medication and monitoring.

“No.” The word comes out quieter than I expect. “I don’t want ovulation to be the only time we can touch each other.”

The corner of his mouth lifts. “All right.” I immediately want to qualify the decision.

“That doesn’t mean the purpose of the arrangement has changed.”

He lets out a quiet, frustrated sigh. “There it is.”

“Dominic.”

“I agreed to the method. I didn’t agree that wanting each other outside a fertility window is meaningless.”

I turn back to the screen. “We need rules.”

“We do.”

“Every time requires a current yes. One encounter doesn’t create an expectation for the next.”