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Harold was shocked she let him cry. He didn’t feel very manly, but it was a release his body and mind needed. He could feel the pain dripping off of his heart as he let go of the honest truth.
“I wasn’t I let her suffer just so I could hang onto her longer.” He cried out.
He felt her wrap her arms around him tighter. “Shh, it’s okay you only did what we all try to do.” Sandra comforted him.
Harold knew at that point he loved her. If he loved her for Sandra or for how much she was like Emily though, he wasn’t sure yet. But he held onto her tighter, pulling her closer.
As the tears slowed down Harold realized that he was feeling other things holding her tightly. He felt bad for thinking of Emily and crying about her death, then suddenly feeling like he wanted to make love to Sandra.
He pulled away, it wasn’t right. Not now he thought. Plus he was quite confused on who he was feeling the thoughts for honestly. If it was for his long dead wife, or for this coal black beauty he found in front of him.
Harold looked at her closely just studying her more. He looked at the green emerald pools of her eyes. He could melt into them. They weren’t Emily’s eyes. So these feelings of adoration he felt when looking at her eyes were for Sandra.
He was so scared to trust his instincts though. His mind was shouting out, “You’re in love!”
But he fought it as hard as he could. “This isn’t possible. Not at all, how can it be? She’s 12 years my junior, how can I love her?” He thought to himself.
Searching for the answers he had to confront some of his past. It wasn’t really something he wanted to do in front of her though. He felt naked and exposed to her. He had just broke down crying about his wife, how could he do it again? Because these were things about him he would have to face. “You’re flaws, you mean?” His mind formed the words that he didn’t want to admit.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean for that to happen.” He apologized to Sandra. “It’s just so raw right now.” He saw her puzzled look and quickly went on to explain. “Not Emily’s death, that’s not raw. I just finally admitted how selfish I was with her life. I watched her suffer needless pain because I didn’t want to give her up. How much of an asshole does that make me? No don’t answer please, because I’ve figured it out. I’m not a person I would like at all. What in the world, how could I never see it before?” He stopped not wanting to go on any further. Because if he did he would tell her everything about him and he couldn’t do that.
He was so scared in so many ways right now. Harold knew he was facing a huge decision in his life. He was faced by it and he wanted to run from it. However, there was a part of him that was fighting to release all of the pain.
“She’s the right one. You’re safe.” He heard his mind say.
Harold looked down. Sandra touched his chin and told him. “We’ve all been there before. We’ve all made mistakes that we wish we could take back. The problem is that it often happens at the point where you can’t go back. I’ve been there too many times. I’m here if you need me.” She stated.
He looked in her eyes and knew she was telling him the truth. Tears poured from his eyes at the realization. “How did this happen?” He asked out loud.
She looked at him confused not knowing what to say.
“No you don’t know I haven’t said it yet. I didn’t want to believe it, but it’s hard not to. But I just don’t understand it at all. I’m so confused right now.” He looked at her the pain obvious in his eyes.
Chapter 16
She looked and saw that raw pain in his eyes and knew exactly how he felt. It was at that point that she also realized she loved him. But she didn’t know how the hell it had happened. She had almost hated this man no more than 15 minutes before. “How did this happen?”
He said the words at almost the same time she thought them. Sandra wasn’t sure if he’d said it or not. She just looked up at him and stared.
He added. “No you don’t know I haven’t said it yet. I didn’t want to believe it, but it’s hard not to. But I just don’t understand it at all. I’m so confused right now.”
