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Sandra was shocked it had been exactly what she had been thinking too. “I don’t know either.” She finally stated and just thought.
“He’s feeling the same way as she did. As she had just this morning before she had left the house. No actually today when she had learned that Harold had searched her past.” She thought.
Oh that’s right what could he have pulled up on me? He could have found out about Jason. She wondered about those records, did he know? She felt the shame of having allowed Jason to take advantage of her so many times. Sandra was ashamed at the admission. She knew it was because she had loved Jason so much.
She had given herself to him completely. He had become an obsession to her. Sandra craved him in a way that had scared her at that time. Maybe it was because he was so good looking she had fallen so quickly.
Sandra had to wonder why she had let Jason so close. But as she was reeling in the thought of her heart feeling something for Harold, she almost cried.
Then she had seen the look of pain in his eyes and knew he would understand her. She also knew that no matter what he said, she would understand it.
“It’s okay I’m here for you.” She had wrapped her arms around him again, waiting for him to talk.
Sandra understood how confused he was, she was fighting her own battle of wills internally.
“You love him, you know that now don’t you?” Her mind asked. It was a quiet little shy voice in her head. Sandra wanted to cry at the realization. She couldn’t figure out how it had happened. Why it had happened?
“I’ve been there before as well. I don’t know what you pulled up on me. But I’m going to tell you something I’ve never told a soul. Something that will for the first time be said out loud to anyone; I hope I can trust you.” She said.
He looked down at her and said. “You can trust me I would never hurt you.” She saw the truth in his eyes and melted.
The tears erupted from her eyes as she began talking. “How can I love you?” She didn’t mean to say it out loud but it was there.
Quickly she started telling her story. Hoping he hadn’t heard her words. “His name was Jason Jones and he was my college love. Hell the only man I loved. Until now.” She added the last part slowly and very quietly. “I was so in love with him that I took him back so many times even after he cheated on me. It was too many times to admit too. But I was so lonely I needed someone’s touch. Why did I trust him? It made me hate him and in the process I used that judgment against you. It was unfair of me. I’m sorry I hope you can forgive me of this.” Sandra said.
Harold pulled her closer kissing the top of her head.
Chapter 17
He had heard her tell him she loved him. She had tried to cover it up by telling the story of Jason Jones. But he had heard it and he knew that he loved her and not the ghost of Emily.
“I love you too. I don’t understand it at all either. It’s really hard for me to accept for many reasons.” He started. He stopped and looked at her when he said I love you. He kept looking at her to make sure she had heard him.
Before he continued he kissed her deeply. Harold sighed. Her lips felt so soft against his. He wanted to keep kissing her but he knew he had something to say.
“When I was 22 I ran off my dad’s wife. She was my step-mother and she always seemed to be so fake, but i had lied to myself. I could swear she was a gold digger. She just was so rude to him all the time. But as I thought about it through the years I realized that my dad was being an asshole to her. She was only standing up to him.” His eyes wondered far off into the past as he relived one of those moments he had clearly misunderstood.
“Fuck you Edward, how dare you look at that other female? What’s wrong with me?” Harold thought about that moment once again. She had been right to say it. But Harold didn’t like her taking so much of his father’s time. So he had taken his dad’s side.
“Why can’t he look at them? He’s a man.” Harold had said to her. “Fuck dad she’s just a stupid bitch.” He had walked to the window and looked out.
“My dad was like your Jason. He loved women and he was never faithful to her. But in truth she tried to keep me out of trouble and I didn’t like it. She was always trying to help me with my homework if I didn’t get it. When my dad kicked her out about a week later, she had come crawling back to me. She swore she loved my father but I didn’t want her there. I could have fixed it if I wanted too. But I didn’t do it. I shut the door on her face and let my dad miss out on having a person love him so much. I think she would have done just about anything for him. I don’t know how many times she let him cheat on her either. I hate to think about it. I was always faithful to Emily. I would always be faithful to you.” He looked deep into her eyes.
