Page 69 of Once Bitten

“But…”

“Trust me. I know her.”

I bit my tongue, I didn’t want to give her time, I wanted her to forgive me, tell me that I hadn’t fucked things up forever.

“I‘ve seen you come every day for the last week, and I have to admit, at first I didn’t think much of you, but now I know, there’s something you must really want to say to her. Give her time, Finn. She’s in a LOT of pain right now. Just, give her some time to breathe, yeah?”

One more day. I’d give her one more day.

***

My sweet Kara,

Something happened to me that night after I drove away from you.

I realized that people were never meant to live as single entities.

Well, not me, anyway. I wasn’t meant to live without you.

I was young, stupid, proud, immature. I didn’t realize that everyone made mistakes, but it was how you tried to learn from them that made you who you are.

When you finally told me you forgave me, I felt a weight off my shoulder I hadn’t realized I‘d been carrying.

When I told you I was afraid that my Dad was looking down on me disappointed in the man his son had become, in a way, I meant you, too.

We might have different memories of our childhood together. I guess you remember me as Heather’s annoying brother, always going through some version of me I thought was cool. I remember watching you, always laughing, always smiling, always looking for something to achieve in your life. It was this enthusiasm of yours I fell in love with. And kept falling in love with when I saw it had only grown even stronger in the woman you are today.

It’s been over a week now, since I last saw you.

Would you believe me if I told you, it feels as long as the last 15 years did?

When I say you weren’t supposed to find out about my marriage this way, or that things weren’t supposed to work out this way, what I meant was this: when I realized that we had found each other, or that I had finally found you, all I wanted was for us to have another chance. I just didn’t think things would move so fast. Too fast for me to do anything about my circumstances. It’s why I couldn’t promise you anything beyond our week in Paris.

I never meant that it would be the end, just until I could pave the way for us to be together forever.

Why didn’t I wait?

I couldn’t.

Maybe you’ll understand what it meant for us to finally be together, or maybe you won’t. Just know, it was everything I’ve ever wanted in this world. And those moments in the presence of your laughter, will be the memories I take with me to my grave.

This letter isn’t to beg you to take me back.

This letter is to release you, from me forever.

You once told me it was better to be smiling than to be sad.

I want that for you. Go out and be a greedy guts for life and one day, love.

Stop being sad, my love, and smile that beautiful smile of yours. The world needs it.

All my love.

Finn.