Page 21 of Play Me

The music ends and I step into the room, clapping gently.

She stiffens and then whips her head around.

She does NOT look happy to see me. In fact, her eyes are both cold and distant, but it looks like she’s trying not to look angry at the same time.

I hadn’t expected she’d roll out the red carpet, but I thought that it’d just been cold feet that had her leaving last night without seeing me. But it seems like something much, much more.

“Hi, Cadence.” I still get a thrill out of saying her name. Like it ties me to her, knowing this information about her.

“What are you doing here?” She turns back to the piano, her back to me.

Her shortness stops me in my tracks. “You didn’t come see me backstage last night.” I state, hoping it would provoke her to tell me why. I can’t see her face but I hear her take a breath. But no words follow. I take the chance to take a few steps closer to her. “So, I thought I’d come see you instead.”

“How did you know where to find me?” Another question. This isn’t turning out how I’d hoped, I thought I was going to be the one getting answers. But if it relaxed her, I could play this game for a while.

“George.” I say, naming the music store owner.

“George?” She seems surprised at the name. “Oh. Right. The rosin.”

“Yeah.” One more step.

“So, last night? Why didn’t you come see me?” I ask again. This woman’s stubbornness is the stuff of legends.

“I did. I did see you.”

“You did?” I think quickly but nothing comes to mind. “Where? I waited.”

“You looked busy.”

“Well, that’s normal backstage, it’s crazy back there. You should’ve just come up and interrupted me.”

Her voice drops so low I can’t quite make out the words. “You didn’t look like you would appreciate being interrupted...with her, with that...woman.”

“Woman?” What was she talking about?

“The woman you were hugging and kissing. Outside your dressing room door.”

Oh my god. She saw me with-...Fuck! “Whoa, hang on Cadence, I can...um, shit. I can’t explain that.”

“No.” One word. Clear and firm.

“Just let me...” I scramble, I walk right up to her, hoping she’ll let me clarify what happened.

“No!” She turns around to face me. The forcefulness of her refusal seems to shock her even more than me.

“Ok,” I back off, holding my hands up in surrender.

“Sebastian.” Her voice wavers and I can tell whatever she seems to be struggling to say is both important and hard for her.

I let her take a breath, and take a risk and reach out, hooking my finger under her chin and lifting her to face me.

“Just say whatever you need to say. I’ll listen.”

My words seem to have an impact on her and she swallows and starts to talk.

“I. Just. Can’t. Sebastian. Do this with you. Start anything. Your lifestyle, this band and you being who I imagine you are, you’re going to break my heart. Last night, for a split second I thought I could handle it, and that I could just have some fun, but I can’t. And I’m glad I saw what I saw, because it gave me a taste of what would be in store for me, and as hard as it was for me to see last night, it’ll only be worse in a few days’ or a week’s or a month’s time. So you don’t need to explain or apologize about anything. Because it doesn’t matter. This isn’t going to go anywhere. I don’t want it to.”

I don’t know what to say.