Page 70 of Play Me

“Oh, where are you from?” Although I’m pretty sure I can already guess from their accents.

“Oh, we’re from Texas.” Linda smiles at me, with a tinge of homesickness.

“I’VE GOT IT!” Greg roars suddenly, the three of us jump out of our seats.

“You’re from that band...that string band that won the Grammy this year.” Greg shouts, pointing at Sebastian, who is now trying to hide behind his menu.

“Honey...I don’t think...” Linda starts to say, trying to calm her husband down.

“It IS him, I swear!” Greg roars again, and I just shrug at Sebastian who puts down his menu.

“I’m so sorry, he gets really fixated on things until he can figure it out,” Linda apologizes for her husband who still hasn’t stopped staring at Sebastian.

“I changed my mind, let’s go back to our room and have sex,” Sebastian leans over and whispers into my ear. I swat him away and give him my biggest smile, “So, honey, why don’t you tell Greg here, what it’s like to be a Grammy winner?”

Greg slams his hand onto the table and lets out a big belly laugh, “I told you it was him! How are you doing, pal?” He reaches over the table and grabs Sebastian’s hand, shaking it up and down until I think Sebastian’s arm is about to be pulled from its socket.

The customers at the other tables are starting to stare at us, and it’s not until Linda physically extracts her husband’s hand from Sebastian’s that he finally lets go and sits back down.

“You guys are awesome!” Greg bellows across the table to Sebastian. “Man, I’m not much for classical music, but the way you guys mix it with some good ol’ classic rock n roll, we love it! Don’t we honey?!”

Sebastian, used to the attention, just smiles and lets Greg continue to shower him with praise, nodding and eating his food, but never really adding anything to what Greg’s saying.

“So, what are you guys doing here? Tell me you eloped, that would be such a romantic story.” Linda asks us, when she finally has a chance to get a word in while Greg takes a big forkful of eggs.

“Well, actually,” Sebastian grins at me, and I wonder what’s going on in his mind, “We DID just get married last night,” he leans over and whispers to Linda, whose eyes grow wide.

“Oh my gosh!!!! Did you hear that honey, they’re MARRIED!” She yells, and I suddenly see the resemblance between the two.

I turn and just stare at Sebastian, who winks and goes back to his food, as if nothing has happened.

“How did it happen? Tell us, tell us, tell us!” The blonde jumps out of her seat with excitement, flinging her fork to the floor.

“Yes, Muffinbottom, why don’t you tell them?” Sebastian says to me, a look of innocence on his face.

I glare at him, and turn back to our breakfast partners.

“Well, actually, Sebastian has been in love with me FOR YEARS. But I was never interested in him at all. I didn’t find him very...how do I say this...able to satisfy me in bed, you know.” I wink at Linda conspiratorially, and her eyes grow wider as she leans in further across the table.

Sebastian elbows me and I turn and shoot him my brightest smile. He cocks his eyebrow and I can see the thoughts churning in his brain. This is going to get nasty.

“Now, now, don’t be telling lies, Pinkywinky, you know that you were the one who was chasing me. Sending me all sorts of suggestive notes and...let’s just say, undergarments that had not been through the wash yet.”

The bastard.

“Well, Thumbdoodle, that was only after we had gotten together, you know, after your operation.” I nod for emphasis.

“Operation?” Both Greg and Linda ask, forks forgotten, hovering halfway to their mouths.

“Well, yes, we don’t like to talk about it, but you guys won’t tell anyone, will you?”

They shake their heads even as the drool collects in the corner of their mouths.

“Well, my Applewafflekins here,” and I lean in, and pause, before whispering, “Had a third testicle.”

Next to me I hear Sebastian choke, spitting out his drink. I reach over and pat him gently on the back.

“Are you OK, Snickerpie?” I ask, my voice dripping with honey.