Page 85 of Play Me

“Oh shit. We broke him.” Brad stops and pulls back and points to me.

“I can’t tell, is he REALLY crying or is it the shower?” Marius sticks his face in mine and stares at me.

“What do we do? WHAT DO WE DO?!” Jez freaks out and presses himself back against the shower wall.

And I don’t stop. Sob after sob wracks through my body, even as my bandmates stand there and stare at me in horror.

“What the HELL is going on in here?”

We hear a fourth voice and turn around to see Dennis standing at the door.

“We, uh, we broke Sebastian.” Jez confesses hanging his head.

“Oh geez, what did you do?” Dennis takes a step closer and I try to bite back the sobs, composing myself.

“We...we tried to get him to take a shower.” Marius adds.

“They were just trying to help.” I finally speak up. I grab Jez’s hand and he helps me up. I smile at him, and even through the pain I’m feeling, my heart suddenly squeezes with love for these idiots standing here with me. Wet. In the shower.

Geez.

“Get the fuck out of here, pencilpricks, and let me get washed.” I say, pushing them out of the bathroom.

They slosh out one by one.

“Hey,” I call out just as they reach the bathroom door, “Thanks, guys.”

They nod, and file out.

And I wonder if living on their love alone is going to be enough for me for the rest of my life.

CADENCE

It won’t stop.

It’s been one week since the pictures were printed.

One week of hiding.

One week of ignoring calls and emails and text messages.

One week of Sarah filtering any communication, and only letting the most important or absolutely ridiculous (for humor value) through.

One week of no Sebastian.

Might as well have been one whole week of no air.

But almost complete seclusion gives a person space, perhaps too much space, to think. And the thought I’m having right now is I’ve finally realized something GOOD that came out of having a sex tape released of me seven years ago.

It’s that the second time around, I know what to expect.

The initial hysteria from family. Then the blame and humiliation. I’ve been sheltered from the scrutiny and judgment of strangers so far, but I know that’s coming. But I’m already experiencing the support and love from those who matter.

And that’s something I didn’t know at the tender age of seventeen, that there are people who will matter, and there are those who just don’t.

It’s easy to brush off the words and opinions of complete strangers, but when it feels like the predominant social conscience has a particular view of you, it can be hard to overcome.

I don’t know what the aftermath in terms of the media has been. Sarah decided that it would be better not to know, considering how I would burst into tears every time I came across a headline or saw the pictures in print again.