Page 103 of Strum Me

Chapter Thirty-Two

Emily

When I told Silas I was pregnant, he said four words that have stuck with me ever since.

“Do what you want.”

He didn’t tell me to get rid of my baby, and he didn’t beg me to keep it. He just didn’t care.

It was months after Ben was born before he contacted me, even though I’d sent him photos and updates. I wanted my son not to miss out on anything that a boy born into a family with both his parents would have. After the tenth, fifteenth email I gave up. Six months later, he showed up on my doorstep with a toy and a shit-eating grin. He was in town traveling with his band and, in his words, thought he might as well drop in.

I didn’t want to deny him what I felt was his right as Ben’s father. So I let him in and that has pretty much been the arrangement since then. Him popping in and out whenever he feels it’s convenient for him. Always with a toy and always with promises he never keeps. And it’s worked for all of us. Ben, happy to see his father when he is around, but never really missing him when he’s not.

As for me, I’d rather a life without Silas in it, but if he never wanted more from us, from Ben, from me, then I wasn’t going to make a big thing out of it.

And I don’t think that I was wrong when I said that all this, all this posturing, all these demands, this sudden change of heart when it comes to Ben, is nothing but a pissing contest with Brad. Brad, who has always been a thorn in his side.

But whatever the reason, the threat is real, and I refuse to have any threats in my son’s life.

“Why are you here?” Silas asks me again.

“Because I want to sort this out once and for all.”

“What’s there to sort out? I want to make sure my son is safe. And you don’t seem to share the same concerns.”

“That’s bullshit and you know it, Silas.”

“No. You putting up a fight is bullshit. You see what I’ve cited as reason for belief that you’re neglecting him. And I’ll find more, you know I will. That’s why you’re so scared.”

“I’m not scared. I’m angry. You have no right. A father cares for his child. You have five years of proving you don’t care.”

“Not as the courts will see it. I believe they’ll see it as me trying to keep in contact with my son, and his mother making sure I don’t.”

“You don’t have proof,” I throw at him.

“You forget who I am. Who I can get to work for me, who I can get to swear up and down that I’m a good father.” There’s not a ripple of doubt on his face, and I almost think that he believes it.

“But why Silas, why now?”

“I told you why.”

“It’s not because of Ben.”

“Of course it is. He’s my son.”

“He’s been your son for almost six years.”

“And he will be for the rest of his life.”

“What can I do to get you to drop this?”

“What makes you think I want anything?”

“Because I know you. I know how selfish you are, how greedy for fame and fortune. How nothing in the world matters but you.”

He grins. “And that’s why.”

“Why what?”