Page 105 of Strum Me

“Then you can’t go!”

“I have to, our taxi is here. Say goodbye to Uncle Brad, honey.” I pull at Ben’s sleeve.

“No!” he yells and wraps his arms tighter around Brad’s neck. I almost wish I could let him stay, to spare him this.

“You’re taking Ben?” Brad asks, his hand coming up to cup Ben’s head against his chest.

“Of course I am, he’s my son. My son…and Silas’s,” I force myself to say, force him to remember.

“No, Butter.” he pleads. “Talk to me, tell me what’s going on, I can help, I promise I can help!”

“You can’t, it’s too late. We have to go. Let him go, Brad.”

“I don’t want to go, Uncle Brad. I want to stay,” Ben cries, and I squeeze my eyes shut, trying to ignore the despair in his voice.

“I’m sorry, baby, I’m so sorry. Brad, let him go, please.”

He looks at me like I’m asking him to tear his own heart out. He squeezes Ben tight, closing his eyes as they cling to each other, unable to let go. “I love you, Ben,” he whispers against my son’s ear. And I hope Ben never forgets it.

“I love you, Uncle Brad,” Ben sobs.

Brad leans over and I reach for Ben, pulling my son into my arms. His scream at being taken from Brad pierces my ear, but he lets me hold him, his body shaking with tears.

Brad reaches over and wraps his arms around us, his hand warm on my back as he whispers, “I love you, Emily.”

I can feel my heart shattering, and I have to leave before I can’t. I pull away from him, forcing myself to look into his eyes one last time.

“Goodbye, Brad. I had no choice. I’m sorry.”

I carry Ben over to the taxi, Brad following with our suitcase. I climb into the car and shut the door behind us as the taxi driver lifts the suitcase into the trunk and closes it with a thud. Ben climbs onto the seat staring out the window, his hand pressed up against the glass. His sobs echo the same thing I feel in my heart.

I don’t turn back. The past is now in the past.

How many times? How many times will I relive this moment, wondering if I was right or wrong?