Page 64 of Strum Me

“If you don’t mind,” she replies and closes the bus door behind her.

“Of course we don’t, the more the merrier,” Jez smiles at her as he points to a recliner inviting her to sit down. I see Hailey nudge Marius out of the corner of my eye.

“Can I stay too?” Ben asks, holding his blankie, rubbing the sleep from his eyes.

“Well, I guess you have to now!” I say to his excitement.

“Really?”

“Why not? You don’t have school tomorrow.”

“Thanks, Mommy!”

“Come here, Ben, I’ve got something you’d really like,” Sebastian calls over to Ben, who wanders over in his pajamas, leaving Brad and me alone again.

“So…”

“So.”

“I’m really pleased that your column’s done so well.”

“Thank you.”

“I told you it’d be a good move for you.”

My tongue feels like it’s welded to the roof of my mouth. This is ridiculous. I’ve never had trouble talking to Brad before, even in the weirdest of moments since we met up again. I cringe at the prospect that I’m starstruck. What’s changed?

You, you idiot, my brain tells me, and I take a sip of my wine to shut it up. I can’t control myself around Brad at the best of times, let alone when I’m apparently becoming weak at the knees at the sight of him. Time to run.

“Actually, Ben, maybe you should come back with me. Mommy’s tired and she’s going to get some sleep.”

“Aw, Mommy!”

“Hey, he can stay here. Have a sleepover with Auntie Cadence and me, whaddya think? We can set him on the couch and he can watch TV ALLL night!”

“YAY!” Ben jumps up and down.

“Thanks. Thanks for making me the evil monster if I say no.” I roll my eyes at Sebastian. “Fine. But be a good boy and do whatever Cadence and Sebastian tell you, okay? If he’s too much trouble, just give me a yell and I’ll come over and get him.”

“I’ll be here too,” Carrie says and I smile at her in thanks. Jez beams at me too, which is a little weird.

I ignore Brad’s eyes that I can feel following me and I leave the bus after giving Ben a hug and a good night kiss.

I can’t look at him, I won’t. I’m not strong enough.

I’d used exhaustion as an excuse to get away from Brad, but once I’m in the quiet of my bus, I’m suddenly so fatigued I can barely walk to my room.

Once there, my dress falls off my body into a shimmering pool on the floor and I’m too tired to pick it up. I slide into the made bed—thank you Carrie—and turn onto my side, pulling the sheet up under my arm.

The noise from the other bus is loud but comforting. I can hear the guys talking over the music, and now and then even Ben pipes up, and laughter follows.

I close my eyes. And dream of Brad.