Page 71 of Kaine

Chapter Twenty-Nine

HER

When Gabriel was fiveyears old he told me he was going to be an explorer when he grew up. When I asked him why, he said it was because he wanted to have a coin with his head on it. Not a mountain range, not a river named after him, but a coin. Something that had his head on it, everywhere, hidden behind couch cushions and car glove compartments.

Right now, I kind of wish his head was on every coin or milk carton as it were.

It might make it easier to find him.

The last four hours have been spent turning up any stone that might help us find out where he is. Not that he has any friends or work mates I can call.

It’s like he doesn’t even exist.

We’re driving back to Kaine’s apartment, in case he’s returned. It’s 11 p.m. and dark, and somewhere out there, in the 8 million people crammed into this city, is my little brother.

“Are you okay?” Kaine asks, moving closer so my exhausted head can fall onto his shoulder.

“No.”

“He’ll turn up.”

“Alive?”

“You have to believe so.”

I sigh, using the little energy I have left in my body to force out all the toxic air and breathe in fresh oxygen.

“You were wrong. My mother wouldn’t be proud of me at all. I couldn’t even take care of my little brother. I changed my mind. I don’t want to meet her again. I don’t deserve to.”

“It’s not your fault. He makes his own decisions. You’ve done everything you can.”

His words just wash over me, and I retain none of them. Just close my eyes and hope that when I wake up, Gabriel will be there.

***

The car comes to astop outside Kaine’s apartment building and I jump out before Henry or he can open the door for me. I run through the door held open by the doorman and press the elevator button a hundred times until it dings, the doors opening and letting me in. I hear Kaine run up, calling me, but the elevator doors close before he can get there. He’ll get the next one, I tell myself, wringing my fingers as I watch the light illuminate the floor numbers as the elevator ascends.

“GABRIEL!” I yell, even before the doors open on the penthouse floor.

“Gabriel! Are you here?!” I yell again, running through the dark apartment and into the guest bedroom where I had last seen him, just this morning.

I hold my breath as I step into the dark room and for a moment, the bundled-up blankets give me hope.

But he’s not there.

There’s no note, no clue as to where he could have gone. Only his stained clothes in a pile in the corner and the dent of his head on the pillow to suggest he was ever here.

I slide into the unmade bed and pull the crumpled pillow against my chest, almost trying to stuff it into my ribcage, to fill up the space he’s left behind.

“Gabriel...” I hear myself whimper, even as the tear start to fall. “I’m sorry Gabriel, I’m sorry, Mom...” I sob.

Someone calls my name but I ignore it. I just bury my face in my brother’s pillow and close my eyes, pretending that he’s just in the next room sleeping or playing, and forgetting that without our mother, it’s only the two of us now.

“Jade,” Kaine whispers again. And this time he slides into the bed next to me, curling his body around mine. “I’m going to be right here.”

His breath on my neck over the next few hours becomes my source of comfort.

***