Page 32 of Serenade Me

“Let’s go. They’re waiting for us.”

***

There’s a reason the harp is the instrument depicted as being the music of heaven. It’s because it’s the sound divined by God for holy souls to dance to.

I was six years old when I decided I wanted to play the harp. Jez was learning the cello and piano. And even at 10 years old everyone was talking about what a virtuoso he was going to be. They wanted me to be like him.

They didn’t know that even though I loved Jez more than anything in the entire world, the last thing I wanted was to follow in my brother’s footsteps. The same brother who protected me and watched out for me, was also my tormentor. Tormented me with his over protectiveness, with his worry, with his concern. If he saved me from bullies, then he also alienated me from friends. If he stood up to teachers in my defence, he also made me their most hated pupil.

And if he ever thought his being better than me in cello would discourage my own progress, he would stop playing it, to give me the chance to shine. And that’s the last thing I wanted. God had given Jez a gift, and I wasn’t going to be the reason he didn’t use it.

But it wasn’t ever a question for me, what instrument I wanted to play.

All because of the first time I ever heard someone play the harp.

***

17 years ago

Everyone is crying.

I don’t know why but everyone is crying.

I’m looking around and no one is talking to me.

I’m thirsty but no one will talk to me and I can’t find mommy anywhere.

Oh, there’s Jez.

He looks like he’s been crying, too.

I smile at him and hold my arms out. He gives me a big hug and sits down next to me.

“Anca, I’m going to tell you something and you have to promise me to say you’ll always remember, okay?”

“Okay, Jez. I promise.”

“No, not yet. After I tell you.”

“Oh.”

“You know I love you.”

“I love you, too, Jezzy. I’m thirsty.”

“Okay, I’ll get you something to drink in a minute.”

“Can I have orange juice?”’

“Yes. But after, okay?”

“Okay.” I nod, I’ll always do what Jezzy tells me.

“And I will always be here to take care of you. If you ever need anything, you tell me and I will do it for you. There’s nothing I won’t do for you. Okay? Do you understand?”

“Yes, I understand.”

“And you’ll remember?”