Page 37 of Serenade Me

Chapter Eleven

Anca

2 years ago

I check the clock, two hours until curtain’s up.

The knock on the door stops me from falling back onto the bathroom floor.

“Hey, Anca! You okay in there?”

It takes every ounce of my energy to answer, “Er, yeah. I’m good. Just… when am I going to learn, cafeteria tacos bad.”

There’s a chuckle on the other side of the door and I squeeze my eyes shut, hoping to hear footsteps fading away.

It’s quiet again, and I let my body slide back down, resting my face on the cool bathroom tile.

I can’t do this.

Yes, you can. My own voice tells me. But it’s not as strong.

But now his voice is in my head, “You’re not ready, my angela. You are too weak. Only I really understand your gift, and you cannot waste it for those who don’t deserve it.”

I drag myself up, trying to splash some water onto my face.

I can do this. I tell myself again.

I open the door. And he is there.

“Anca. My darling.” He reaches out to me, and I’m too weak to step away.

His cool fingers brush the damp hair from my forehead and he pulls me close, dropping a kiss onto the top of my head.

“What did I tell you? See? Why are you putting yourself through this? You can’t do it.”

“Ye… yes I can.”

“Shhhhh,” he presses his finger against my lips. “Look at you, you can barely stand. You can’t perform tonight. They will laugh at you. Why put yourself though that?”

He’s right. I’m not good enough.

And he knows I know.

I let him lead me to the harp and sits me down on the stool.

“Imagine. Imagine them laughing. Is that what you really want?”

“No… no,” I shake my head.

“No, I couldn’t bear that for you either. It’s not your fault, they just don’t understand. They don’t appreciate your music like I do. NO one knows how beautifully you play, like I do.”

I can’t help but look up at him, grateful. At least he understands me, sees me, hears me.

“Play, Anca, just for me. For no one else but me.”

“You won’t laugh?

“Never. I will never laugh. But you must remember, they will. You must only ever play for me.”