Page 69 of Serenade Me

“So, why did you bring me here, then, Marius?”

And I tell her, even though I shouldn’t.

“I DID bring you here to talk. But, I brought you here to show it to you. Because no one else knows about it… and I wanted to show it to you. I wanted a memory of you here, with me. Before…” My voice trails off.

“Doesn’t sound like something you’d do with someone you want to walk away from.”

“I don’t. Want to. And you know that. But we can’t keep doing this.”

“Doing what, Marius.” Why does she keep making me say it?

“This. Being together. You KNOW that it’s going to hurt Jez.”

“But it doesn’t have to.”

What is she talking about? Has the cold gone to her ever-loving mind?

“It will. You know better than that.”

“Look, what I mean is, it won’t hurt him, if he doesn’t know. We don’t even know what this all means, Marius. But don’t we owe it to ourselves to find out? Don’t you want to be with me?” There’s a crack in her voice, in it feels like it’s traveling down my heart as well.

“So much it hurts, Anca. But… you don’t know what I owe him.”

“It can’t be more than what I owe him, Marius. But even I know that all he would really want is for me to be happy. And he’d want the same for you as well.”

I take a moment to hear what she’s saying. Can it really work out that way? What kind of person am I that I can do this to one of my best friends?

“Anca, I- I didn’t bring you here to have sex with you one last time…”

“I know.”

At least there’s that. “I don’t want to lie to him, Anca.’

“We’re not. We’re just taking some time to figure out what this all is. It might come to nothing, and then we won’t have hurt him for nothing.” I shake my head. It can’t be that simple. It’s just delaying the fact. “Marius… look at me. Let’s just give it a few more days, okay? We’ll figure out what this is, and how to tell him. Believe me, I know my brother, he only wants what’s best for me.”

“He’s not going to think that that is me.” He might love me like a brother, but no one is ever going to be good enough for Anca. And I can see why he thinks so.

She pulls gently on my shirt, forcing me to lower my mouth down to meet hers in a soft, gentle kiss. Damn. I can’t walk away and she knows it. “You ARE what’s best for me. And we’ll make him know it too.”

I can only hope that she knows Jez as well as she thinks she does. But something tells me, I might know him better. For once, I wish that I’m the wrong one.