Page 113 of Rock Me

“I don’t know! I would never have done that. That’s what I mean, not only do I not remember, I can’t even imagine myself doing it.”

“But you did. It’s all in the report. Your blood alcohol was over the limit.” Dennis says. To his credit he’s trying to be as kind as possible, I think. For Jez’s sake.

"How could you get into the car that night?" he asks me again. And I still have no other answers for him. Oh my god, Jez. Why is this happening? "I guess you don't remember the Scotches that you drank that night.”

“I… I don’t.” No, not Scotch, Not my drink. I shake my head. Something in my brain, help me, help me remember what happened. Please. "No... I can't have..."

"You did. I watched you. Hell, I paid for them." He shakes his head, his eyes filling with disgust.

"Jez, please! I don't remember! There has got to be a mistake!"

"No, getting into that car was a mistake, Noémie. Not remembering it doesn’t mean it didn't happen. But it was a mistake. Getting into the car, turning the key and driving, when you had no right to, was the mistake. And I’m the one who paid.”

I can’t stop the sobs heaving from my chest. "I’m so sorry." I can’t think of what else to say that I haven’t said.

"Now you know what you did. But it could've been so much worse. I was just injured. You could've killed somebody. You could've killed a child, a grandmother, a couple with two young children waiting at home... who would never ever see them again..."

And suddenly I want to be sick.

His parents. His parents were killed by a drunk driver. He is never, ever going to forgive me.

"Jez..."

"I... I can't be here," he says, and before I can stop him, he runs out the door of the chapel.

I chase after him. "Jez! JEZ! Come back! We need to talk about this."

I push open the door and am instantly swarmed by a crowd of people and cameras and microphones. The flash of the lights momentarily blind me, and I have no idea where I am.

"Miss, MISS! What's your name?! Did you and Jez just get married?! Where's he going, can you give us a newlywed kiss?!"

The swarm closes on me, and the air is blocked out.

"Please... god, no, please... I can't breathe. I get claustrophobic, please..." I beg them.

But they can't hear me over the sound of their own voices and of the click clicks of the lenses as they capture me falling to the ground in a faint.