Page 115 of Rock Me

"I'm leaving," he says. "I just wanted to make sure you were okay. I have a car and a plane waiting.”

"That didn't take long."

"It was organized. By the guys."

"Ah, the wedding crashers," I say, desperate for anything to break the ice, so we can talk about the things we've learned.

"They were... just looking out for me."

"I know. I didn't mean... I know. They're trying to protect you."

"Yes."

"And, so have I. Since I met you."

"No. No, Noémie, not since you met me." He says it like it’s a fact. Like there’s no arguing it now.

"I don't remember what happened, Jez."

He shakes his head and his eyes burn into me. "You know what? In some ways, that just makes it all worse. That... that I can't even blame you for not feeling any remorse. Because how can you if you don’t remember what you did."

"But I do feel remorseful about it, Jez."

"How can you? You don't remember doing it. That's been your excuse over and over!"

"Fine. Yes, I don't remember! And if you want to know the truth, I can't even believe that I would do this. I would never get into a car drunk and drive. Come on, Jez! Do I really seem like the kind of person who would be so thoughtless? So selfish?" I’m desperate for him to give me the tiniest benefit of the doubt. To trust. To have faith. Despite everything indicating otherwise. Because that’s what faith is.

"I don't know any more. Maybe I never knew."

"Jez! No... please, you DO know me. You do. You DO know me." I run to him, holding his face in my hands, forcing him to look at me. "Look at me. Look into my eyes, you know me. You know me more than anyone's ever known me, than I know myself. Please give me a chance to make this all up to you."

He stares at me like I'm just any other stranger, and pulls my hands from his face.

"It's too late. All this happened too late. It was over before it even happened. We just didn’t know it yet. I can't... I can't ever forgive you for this, for being this person." He grabs me by the shoulders and pushes me out of his way.

"Jez!"

He stops before he steps out the door.

"Go back to forgetting me, Noémie. I'll be spending the rest of my life trying to forget you."

I fall to my knees, hoping that he'll turn back one last time before he walks through the door. But he doesn’t. Not even once.

He’s already started to forget me.