Page 24 of Rock Me

I'm not surprised she's the one to ask me, having adopted the role of mother hen since she came into our crazy little group. Truth is, I'm not really sure how I feel. I don't really want to admit to her how much time I've spent wondering if there's no coming back from these injuries. And that while they're still wrapped in these casts, I can pretend that everything is going to be okay. There's no hiding from the truth though, once they come off. And no one's been able to guarantee that I'm going to be able to play the way I use to. I say as much to Cadence, and she listens and gives me a kiss on the cheek when I'm done.

"We'll be here. Every step of the way," is all she says. And I don't really think there's anything else to say.

“Mr. Petrescu," Toni says, from the doorway, taking in the scene of chaos in front her and just shaking her head. " Are you ready? It's time."

I watch as my bandmates and their girlfriends all stand up, suddenly silent.

"He's ready," Anca says, coming over and putting her hand on my shoulder.

And I guess, it's now or never.

***

"How do you feel?" Sebastian asks an hour later once we're back in my room.

The cast removal process had been quick and painless. The doctor had looked me over and asked me to perform some simple movements, some doable, some definitely not and sent me back to my room complete with cheering entourage.

"I don't know, to be honest." I look down at my cast-less limbs. My arms feel like they're disconnected from my body. I can lift them, slowly, up to my shoulder height and lay them flat against my body, which they haven't done for three months. But it doesn’t feel as though I'm controlling them. I try to squeeze my left hand, the one that bore the brunt of the injuries but I can barely bend my fingers a few degrees without the stiffness kicking. So, at this point, I don't know.

"The doctor said it is going to take a while to regain your strength and full motion," Anca says, trying to reassure me.

"Dude, I have bigger biceps than you for the first time ever," Brad notes, giving his arms a flex, and gets a slap to the back of the head from his fiancée Emily.

"Can you do this?" Dennis asks, rotating his wrist.

I copy him with my right wrist, the broken one, and a sharp, almost blinding pain radiates down my fingers and up to my elbow.

"Fuck." I curse. And I try it again.

This time the pain is even worse and lasts longer, and my body breaks out into a sweat.

"Fuck! No! I can’t!”

"Hey, hey, hey, it's okay, you've had the cast off for ten minutes. Just because it's off doesn't mean you're all healed. It's going to take a while,” Dennis tries to comfort me.

“I don't want it to take a fucking while, I've been here for three fucking months already. Enough!!” I yell, the frustration boiling up, beyond my level of control.

Everyone goes quiet, and I lay back, not wanting to see their faces. I don't want pity.

I just want to get on with my life.

"Jezzy," Anca says, laying a hand on my shoulder. It takes every last ounce of self-control not to shake it off. I know they're here for me, but they're not the ones who've been laying in this bed all this time. They can only understand so much.

I take a breath, and look at my sister. "I'm sorry, I..."

She waves the apology away. "Do you want us to go?"

I don't say anything, but they know me well enough. I can see them giving each other looks, and then they break apart, preparing to leave.

"Guys, I'm sorry, I'm just really tired, I haven't been sleeping well."

"It's okay, we'll let you rest,” Marius says, patting my foot. “We'll see you tomorrow, yeah?"

"Yeah. Okay. See you then."

I close my eyes and try to ignore the sounds of them whispering amongst themselves as they gather their things to go.

"I love you, Jezzy," Anca leans over and whispers to me, and I force myself to open my eyes to give her a smile and not notice the concern in her eyes.