Page 29 of Rock Me

CHAPTER EIGHT

Jez

As soon as we get back to my room, I rip my arm away from Toni. A white-hot pain, searing like a knife boring into my elbow, shoots both ways up and down my arm. I hear a noise like an injured wolf howl and don't realize it's me until I feel my body pushed back onto the bed, and Toni is patting my leg, saying my name. It feels like how I’ve heard panic attacks described, but never experienced for myself.

"Jez, Jez, it's okay, it's okay, take a breath." I can just hear her words through the pain and stars dancing in front of me, and I drag some air into my lungs. "Good, that's it, just calm down and keep breathing, Jez."

I take a few breaths until I feel the pulse rushing in my ears slow a little.

"I'm okay," I say, even though I'm not.

"You will be. You're not okay quite yet, but you will be."

"Do you mean short term or long term?" I rasp, trying to make light of the situation, a little embarrassed by my reaction.

"Both."

I stop talking for a moment, until my breath is slow and steady again. And the pain has receded. In my arm at least.

"I know her, Toni. I do. I'm not crazy. We had... we met once." I need someone to believe me.

"All this over someone you met once?"

"It was... special."

She raises her eyebrows but doesn’t say anything, just walks over and makes a note on my chart.

"We didn't even exchange names. But it was special. She was… is special."

"Boy, I'm too old for this," she says. But then sits down on the chair next to the bed, opposite me. "Which is exactly why you should tell me more.” There’s a gleeful look on her face, as if she’s awaiting some salacious details.

"Get your mind out of the gutter, it's not like that."

She rolls her eyes as if she doesn’t believe me. "Then why don't you tell me what it's like."

"That girl… is insane. Crazy and wild and sweet and hilarious and we just talked for a little bit. And I really, really liked her. Like her. I haven’t stopped thinking about her since we met. Well, once I stopped playing sleeping beauty, that is.”

"So, what happened?"

"This." I say, gesturing to my body. "This happened. I met her the night this happened. I've been wondering about her ever since. I didn’t know she played the ukulele then "

“I’m sorry, Jez, but it doesn’t seem like she knows you. Or remembers you,” she says, her eyes looking sad.

"I know. How can that be? I remember all of it. Every word. What happened to her?"

Toni sighs and stands up, smoothing her hand over the bedsheet. "I can't talk to you about another patient. I'm sorry."

"Please.” I hear my own voice tremor, as if trying to convey how much it means to me to know.

She just sighs and reaches over and pats me on the cheek. "You can look at me with those big, green, puppy eyes all you like. I can't tell you anything, Jez. I’m sorry."

"So, it's ‘Jez’ now, is it?"

She grins and her broad shoulders lift up in a big shrug. "Why not? Unless you want me to call you Dimple Butt."

I make a look of mock shock. "Why, nurse Toni! Have you been admiring my butt?"

"Hard not to, when it needs sponge bathing. Anyway, I’m out, gotta go take care of my other patients. You want this door open or closed?”