Page 52 of Rock Me

She grins, and I realize it's the first time tonight that she's grinned... really grinned. You don't grin like that unless you're feeling comfortable. And something in that thought makes me grin right back.

The stupid grins eventually fade into a comfortable silence again, and I drag myself up onto my feet, stretching my legs out a bit, giving my arms a test lift and then drop them back down, ignoring the niggling stiffness in them. The moon is high in the sky and its light is uninterrupted by clouds tonight. The blinds on the windows aren't closed all the way, throwing the room into rows of light and dark, the furthest wall is the back drop of abstract shadows creeping up to the ceiling.

"Tell me something no one knows about you," she says, out of nowhere.

I feel my head turn sharply, looking at her. almost harshly, I guess, because she instantly backs up against the couch.

"Sorry... I didn't mean..." she stutters.

I sit back down on the couch, facing her. "No, no, it's fine. You, er, you just surprised me. I wasn't expecting the question." Not again, that is. This isn't a case of a sense of déjà vu, it really did happen.

She relaxes a little. "You don't have to answer it... It's just something I always want to ask people. I'm pretty nosy."

I ponder the question.

Well, no, I ponder the answer.

I know what I want to say. But in a way it feels like it’s unfair. A betrayal. To the two of us, three months ago in that alley. To try to relive the moment. The truth is, that secret I told her, isn't entirely true anymore.

"Okay. No laughter, no judgment, right? And whatever is shared in this room, stays here?"

"Deal. Although I doubt there's anyone out there wanting to pay me for secrets about Jez Petrescu."

I bite back a smile, if only she knew.

"Okay, well, I've never, ever been in love before."

"Wow, like ever?"

"Well."

"You have?"

"No."

"You haven't."

"No."

"Which is it?" She laughs, confused at my own confusion.

"You heard me!"

"Yes, but I don't understand you. You're saying you've never ever been in love."

"Yep. I guess."

"Wow."

"Have you?"

"Abso-fucking-lutely."

I can't help the smile that spreads from one end of my mouth to the other.

"But... love sucks. Well, when you fall out of love that is."

I nod, because that's what you're supposed to do. Not giggle and tell someone that they've told you all this before. No, you nod and you smile, because it's easy to lie when your memory is intact. It's hard to be truthful. And it appears, at least on this topic, she has been.