Page 56 of Rock Me

"We are here. For an intervention."

I roll my eyes. "Good god. What'd I do?"

"Oh no, it's not an intervention for you, it's an intervention for us." She gestures to everyone around the room and they all nod along.

"What the fuck for?”

"Oh, we are all here, to intervene each other from falling for your self-pity partying, whiny bull shit." There’s a cheer from somewhere in the back, and Dennis hushes them.

I frown at Anca. "What the fuck?"

"Yeah, YOU, big brother, have been wallowing in your own self-pity for three months now and we have all been here for you. Even when you wouldn’t let us. So we're here to tell each other, no more. We are not going to let us, let you feel sorry for yourself, for another day."

"So, it's not an intervention for me."

"No. You're just here to witness it."

"But I don't want to."

"Tough, that's part of the intervention - that we are not going to listen to what you say, until you shape up."

"This feels curiously like an intervention for me." I narrow my eyes at her, but she just smiles her angelic smile back at me. But I know that smile. I’m in for some pain.

"You're wrong, not everything is about you. Sheeeeesh.”

"You're bloody nuts. All of you."

"Quiet. You’re not allowed to speak out of turn. So! Who's up first?" She looks around the room of all the people who know and love me most.

"Me!" Sebastian yells, from somewhere at the back of the room. He sidles up next to Anca and pulls a sheet of crumpled paper out from his back pocket. He clears his throat and then gestures with his head for me to move.

“For fuck’s sake. We're really doing this?"

"Of course. We brought snacks, man. You know it's serious if we brought snacks. Now, get out of the way please."

"It's MY room."

"Well, it's being paid for by your health insurance which the band pays for, so, yeah, it's ours. Now shush. I've got the floor."

"This is insane." I shake my head and take a step back.

"Ahem. Dear group. I’m Sebastian and this is an intervention."

"Hi, Sebastian,” everybody chants.

"Oh, we're going that? Okay. I would like to say that since Jez has been in this hospital, he has been a meanie poohhead and has hurt my feelings on numerous occasions."

"Oh, shut up, anus-cream-rub!" I holler.

"Like, one time he called me anus-cream-rub. I think as a group it's important that we need to not let Jez be a mean poohhead to us anymore. It’s not a good example for, you know, the children."

Anca nods and pats his shoulder. "Thank you, Sebastian. Next?"

"ME!" Brad yells and does a somersault into the middle of the room.

"I don't need to read from paper because I'm going to speak from my heart,"

"Your heartworm maybe,” I mutter under my breath.