Page 83 of Rock Me

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"So, we're going to take you to the Beverley Wilshire for a while, give you some time to adapt to not being in the hospital and having round-the-clock care. Then you can decide if you want to stay here or go back to London. Wherever you decide, you name it, we'll be there,” Dennis tells me.

"Fine," I tell him, not that it matters.

"Can I have these?" Brad holds up a pair of the hotel slippers. He drops them on the floor and slides his feet into them before I can answer. Emily rolls her eyes and gives me a wink. I smile back at her, and how obviously in love with him she is. Lucky bastard.

I look around the room. They're all paired off. Cadey and Seb. Emily and Brad. Even Marius... is with my little sister, Anca.

We're still us, I guess. But I'd be lying if I didn't admit that they're happier than I've ever seen them. And I've been with them pretty much every day since we were thirteen years old.

Fifteen years later, the happiest I've ever seen them is now, when they're in love with women who understand them.

She understands you.

She helped you when no one else could.

She got you to make a fucking fist, when you thought it was the hardest thing to do in the world.

I sit up, suddenly finding it hard to breathe.

She's leaving, she wrote it twice just to make sure I knew.

Why did she send me that song, WHY? Why did she write it for me?

It’s time to make a choice, the same choice that always comes up in life.

Fight or flight.

Fight or flight?

“Come on!” I say out loud, not caring that they all turn to me, staring. “Fight or flight, fucker?”

Fight.

Always fight.

I slide out of bed and ignore everyone shouting at me as I run down the hall way to her room. I pull the door open and she's standing there, looking at the window, her hand up around her neck.

I walk straight to her, as she spins around and looks at me, her eyes wide, waiting for me to say something.

“It’s time to make a choice,” I say.

“What are you talking about?”

“Me or him, Noémie.” Fight or flight? She stares at me, her mouth falling open. So I say it one last time. “Make the choice. Me or him.”