Page 17 of Expanding Command

It was true. Being able to see him again, to finally get everything off his chest - that was worth any small disappointment. Despite the turbulent reawakening of Tristan's old longing, or how having Miles's hand over his awoke an uncontrollable flurry of butterflies inside him.

Then, Miles's husband - the strong, sexy auburn-haired dom that had captured Leander's attention so completely - cleared his throat softly. "Tristan... this meeting doesn't have to not be what we all hoped it might be. If that's still something you might want. It seems very much to be something your husband would still like. It's something I've been trying to find for Miles and myself for a very long time. And to be quite honest, your history together makes me want you even more for him now."

Miles looked down with a soft, dismissive laugh, shaking his head. "Dare, we shouldn't - Tristan doesn't want - he was my dead brother's best friend. It wouldn't be appropriate - "

And that, of course, was when Tristan's traitorous kink surged even hotter, and - mortifyingly - he couldn't hold back his whimper at the desire that pulsed hotly through him.

Both Darren and Miles looked at him immediately.

Tristan covered his mouth with his free hand, ears burning, unable to meet either of their gazes. "I'm sorry - "

"It's alright, little bunny," Darren said, once again low and unmistakably dominant in a way that also went straight to Tristan's core. "But it seems there's more we need to talk about."

~~~

10 - Admissions

Tristan Chase-Morgan

Sitting in his living room, Tristan wished the floor would open and swallow him up. He hadn't meant to give himself away. He and Leander had invited Miles and Darren to their house in the hopes of, at the very least, a hot foursome. But that had been when they were all still masked. Before Tristan had realized that Miles was his teenage first crush.

The last thing he wanted was for Miles to feel obligated or awkward. He'd tried to do his best to stay appropriate. But when Miles had questioned whether or not they should pursue anything given their past, in a flash, he'd once again been a shy, awkward virgin teen, longing for Miles to take the lead. And a disobedient flash of memory combined with imagining what could be made him whimper, every piece of him aching for it.

Mortified, Tristan covered his face with the hand Miles wasn't currently holding, unable to meet either of their gazes. "I didn't mean... forgive me, Sir."

Darren gave a soft, reassuring hum. "It's alright, little bunny. I don't think that playing together needs to be off the table at all," he said again. His warm, low purr and unmistakable dominance made heat flare inside Tristan, wild and aching. "There's nothing wrong with two grown, consenting adults exploring things together, no matter their past."

Tristan's pulse beat so loudly against his eardrums that part of him was convinced he wasn't hearing correctly. "But - Miles doesn't... please, don't make yourself..."

Miles's hand tightened on his, and he let out a long breath. "Tristan... I've always had a very complicated relationship with desire," he said quietly. "The kids have all sorts of weird names for it these days, but I understand myself a bit more now. I..."

Out of the corner of Tristan's eye, he could see Miles turn to look at his husband again, giving a helpless sigh. "I hardly dated anyone in high school, I felt... broken. It was hard for me to get close to anyone. And then after Keith and my mother died... spending so much time with you...."

Tristan looked at him, heart aching. "Miles - "

"Things weren't like that between us. But I cared so deeply about you. When you told me that - when you kissed me... it terrified me," Miles admitted, soft and apologetic. "I knew no matter what I did, I'd end up hurting you. I couldn't be what you wanted me to be, and I knew I couldn't keep putting my loss and loneliness on you, either. But I didn't understand how to tell you how I actually felt. So I... ghosted you. I know it must have hurt."

Tristan nodded, looking down. "It did, but I ghosted you, too. I think part of me told you because I knew things needed to end. You were going to college, and I needed to... find friends my own age. I just didn't know how to temper my feelings towards you without... without blowing it all up, I guess. And I knew it would hurt you, I knew it was horrible to tell you - " Tristan's eyes burned with remembered shame and regret, and he rubbed at them helplessly, choking back a sob. "God, Miles, forgive me - !"

"Shh... oh God, Tristan..." Miles pulled him close, into his arms. Kissing his forehead, stroking his back. "It's alright. I forgave you so long ago. I never held what you did against you, sweetheart. God, please don't cry."

It felt so comforting to be in his arms again. Secure. Safe. Face buried in his neck, Tristan managed to get his breath under control. "Thank you..."

"Of course." Miles kissed his forehead again, fingers warm as he ran them through his hair. "Sweetheart, listen... I know there wasn't anything between us then; there couldn't have been. But it doesn't mean I don't regret it. Or that I don't regret not reconnecting with you once we were both old enough to..." Miles sighed, sliding restless fingers down the back of his neck. They skipped over the chain of his day collar, then returned to rub it with gentle respect. "Tristan..."

Tristan froze, barely breathing. His pulse quickened, thundering against his eardrums. Miles couldn't actually be suggesting what he thought he was... could he?

"I never stopped caring for you," Miles murmured, stroking the back of his neck gently above the collar. "And because I care for you, meeting up with you again... Could you forgive me if - if I was attracted to you now?"

Miles was attracted to him.

Tristan flushed hot, then cold, then hot again, once again the nervous, uncertain schoolboy, all mixed up with the stronger desire born of his adult experiences and the kinks he very much longed to play at.

How the hell was he supposed to answer that?

"Yes," he said, trying to breathe past the tightness in his chest. "But - it's complicated. I... I'm not who I was then."

Miles nodded slowly, stroking up and down his spine. "Neither of us is. There are things in my past... beyond the alcoholism. But I want us to get to know each other again. As more than just play partners."