Page 26 of The Gaybor War

"I’m… wet."

"Mm-hmm." He sips from his tumbler, pinky extended as if he’s the most civilized disaster in the world.

I grit my teeth, turning away, tugging the towel tighter. I feel like a statue in a museum of ridicule, and he’s the curator, laughing silently at every exhibit.

And yet… despite the heat, the shame, and the public humiliation, I feel a flicker of something else. Intrigue. Curiosity. Maybe even a hint of enjoyment, the kind that makes me want to keep my eyes on him, even though every rational part of me screams to run inside and hide until the chlorine burns the urine out of my hair.

I curse under my breath. Goddamn it, Benji.

The Morningwood Monthly

Official Newsletter of Morningwood Estates

Vol. 48, Issue 7

Rise and Shine, Morningwood!

Dear Residents,

As we slide into summer here in glorious Morningwood Estates, let’s all take a moment to remember the joys—and responsibilities—of poolside living! We are so glad everyone came together to get wet and make a big splash last weekend.

A few tips to keep our waters—and reputations—clear and sparkling:

Please, no urinating in the pool. Nobody likes unexpected… surprises.

Pets are adorable, but we insist they keep their deposits on dry land.

Collect your trash, towels, and any stray flip-flops when you leave. We love a tidy deck, and trust us—your neighbors do, too.

Monitor your children closely. We love the enthusiasm, but please refrain from creating… yellow clouds of discharge.

Remember: a careful, courteous, and coordinated approach to summer fun keeps Morningwood Estates both wet and respectable. Let’s make waves, not problems.

Stay hydrated, stay scandalous, and as always—keep it neat, keep it cheeky, and keep it Morningwood!

Warm regards,

The Morningwood Estates HOA

Upcoming Events:

HOA Board Meeting – Thursday night in the clubhouse. Attendance is mandatory for all members interested in our new "Block Captain" initiative. Come wield your power responsibly… and maybe practice giving orders that really penetrate.

Farmers Market – Saturday morning, fresh produce and local goods galore! Don’t forget to check out the squash, gourds, and other oversized vegetables… we’ve heard some of them are especially hard to handle.

BBQ at the Pool – Second Sunday afternoon. Bring your swimsuits, towels, and come prepared. No raw dogging allowed. BYOC—Bring your own condoms.

Power Wash Demonstration – Join us as a neighbor shows off his impressive ability to wield a high-pressure hose. We’re confident his technique can reach all the nooks and crannies… and he definitely knows how to handle his stream.

Friendly Reminders:

Fill Those Holes! Your yard can become a dangerous minefield with unfilled pits. Nothing spoils a perfect stroll—or a flirtatious footrace—like a hidden hole. Safety first, neighbors.

No Parking on Streets or Curbs! Keep traffic flowing and tempers low. Unless, of course, your plan is to make a dramatic entrance… but really, just don’t.

Flamingo Etiquette: Rearranging neighbors’ flamingos is permitted only for artistic flair or harmless mischief. Nothing destructive, please… unless it’s hilarious. As always, let’s be mindful of the difference between ornamental decoration and ornamental saturation. A little flair goes a long way.

Your HOA Board: