Page 137 of The Blood Rites

Nyxen’s expression closes off, but his eyes flicker, like he is remembering something he would rather not. “Do not force my hand,” he says.

The threat is clear, and Vaelis doesn’t contradict him.

I nod. What else is there to do?

They head down the corridor, footsteps fading, but the words stay behind, clinging to me like smoke.

When I am alone again, guilt creeps back in.

Is that all I am now? A poison—even to the people I want to save.

My gaze drifts to Callen’s door. I only let myself look for a moment. Any longer, and I’ll come apart in this corridor. I can’t afford that right now.

I turn to the right instead. I have to see Marissa.

I knock and wait for her response, even as another part of me wants nothing more than to barricade myself in my room and disappear.

Marissa sits cross-legged on her bed, hands tucked under her thighs, staring at the wall. Her hair, normally bright and unruly, is flat and lifeless. She doesn’t look at me. Not until I shut the door behind me.

For one awful moment, I think she’s a ghost. But her eyes come alive—wide and brown—when she looks at me.

My legs almost buckle with relief. “Hey.”

“You made it,” she says.

“Barely.” I force a grin, but it doesn’t stay long.

We stare at each other for a few heartbeats, the silence settling in like something familiar.

“I’m sorry I left you,” I blurt, before she can say anything. “During the trial, I—”

She shakes her head. “Don’t be,” she says. Her voice is clipped, like she’s been practising this very speech. “I’m not your responsibility. It was me who told you to go.”

I want to argue—to tell her she is. That with Callen gone, we only have each other. But I see the way her hands tremble in her lap. She is holding herself together by will alone. I wonder if there will ever be a time when she doesn't have to cry.

She looks at me as the tears come. “Serraith—he came for me.” Her voice gets smaller with every word, until it’s just a breath. “I thought I was going to die,” she whispers. “Alone.”

I cross the room, my knees actually buckling this time as I sit beside her.

“I’m here now,” I say, but it’s not good enough. I wasn’t there when she needed me.

She laughs, the sound cracking in her throat. “Did Kael make it? I assume so, or I don’t think you’d be out of bed.”

“You think I need him that much?”

She huffs. “I’d be like that too, if someone looked at me the way he looks at you.”

I wince, too quickly. “That’s not—” I stop. “It’s not like that.”

Marissa just rolls her eyes. “Whatever,” she says. “He looks at you like you’re the only other person in this place. You can pretend not to notice, but I’m not blind.”

I smile, just barely, and let the silence settle around us.

She tries to keep her smile on. She really does. She pulls away slightly, stranded in herself. Then whatever has been holding her together gives way, and she lets herself sob into her hands. “I can’t believe Callen’s gone.”

I put my arms around her, and she melts into me.

Eventually, her breathing slows, but she doesn’t lift her head.