Page 39 of Juan

Until Amber.

With her, it felt as if someone had flicked on a light switch, changing the way he saw the world. He couldn’t pinpoint when it happened. That night she’d asked him to help her rediscover her sexuality was the obvious answer—going from friends to lovers tended to change things. But he didn’t have to dig deep to know that wasn’t the right answer. No, his trust in her, his feelings for her, had started with a seed the day she’d been brought to the clubhouse and had been growing ever since. Now, with all their cards on the table, a sort of freedom filled him, giving him the courage to feel, to acknowledge, to embrace everything he wanted. And he wanted her. Wanted to be with her all the time. He thought about her while working, wondered what she was doing, how her day was going. Zoe, too. He couldn’t seem to stop himself from daydreaming like some teenage girl. Next thing he knew, he’d be writing their combined initials on a notebook. And he didn’t give a damn how much his brothers might tease him about it.

Not that they would. Because each and every one of them understood how fragile that dream was. How hard it was to reach for. But he wanted it. He wanted messy mornings with Amber and Zoe. He wanted school drop-offs, soccer games, date nights when life with a kid got crazy. A home. A family.

“Hits like a ton of bricks, doesn’t it?” Philly said as they stood in the corner waiting for Dulcie to take a shot.

Juan didn’t pretend to not understand. He inclined his head.

“Or like standing at the door of a horror house,” Philly added. Juan looked over. “You know you’re going to be scared shitless, but at the end of the day, you’re going to have a blast.”

“Only you would compare a relationship to a horror house, Philly,” Juan replied.

His brother grinned. “Tell me I’m wrong.”

Juan stared. Philly chuckled. “Thought so.” They watched Dulcie take his shot, the ball gliding cleanly into the corner pocket. “It’s why I married Callie so fast. She’s as stubborn as me and if she committed to me, I knew she wouldn’t ever call it quits. Lets me focus on the good stuff without falling into the pit of self-despair and thinking she’s too good for me and bound to leave me someday.” He paused, then shrugged. “I still have those thoughts, but they’re easier to work through when I know she’s chosen me for life.”

Like all of theirs, Philly’s childhood had been filled with violence and instability. He didn’t have the same abandonment triggers as Juan, having lived with his alcoholic father until he enlisted after high school. But growing up with someone who treated you like a punching bag rather than being your protector, the way a parent ought to, did its own kind of damage on the psyche.

Amber and Callie were different people, too. Both strong in their own way, but Callie, who’d grown up in her own kind of hell, hadn’t experienced what Amber had as an adult. Amber’s childhood had been relatively “normal,” but her adulthood had spun out of control when she married Anthony. Callie, on the other hand, had had a rough childhood, but as an adult, she’d taken control of her life and created something very different for herself.

He didn’t know if Amber would ever want to marry again. He wouldn’t blame her if she didn’t. That thought stung a bit, but not as much as he thought it might. The trust she’d placed in him over the past year, including the soul-shattering hours they’d spent together last night, told him what he needed to know, what he needed to feel from her. She trusted him; she wanted him. And she’d face her demons to be with him. That was enough. More than enough. Everything else that might come along was icing on the cake.

“We have a list!” Juliana called out. All heads turned to the women. Juliana grinned; Kara lifted her arms overhead, stretching her back after being hunched over a laptop.

“And we have a money trail. Well, the start of one,” Callie said.

“Do we need to call anyone before we go over this?” Amber asked. “I know HICC consults with the FBI, but does someone from law enforcement need to be here?”

“She’s on her way,” Dulcie said. All eyes swiveled to him, then shot to the door as it opened.

Grace Perry paused in the entry, all eyes on her. “Should I have knocked?”

“I swear I didn’t time that,” Dulcie said.

“Time what?” Grace asked.

Mantis pushed through the kitchen door, followed by the others. “Nothing. We’re glad you’re here, Agent Perry,” he said. Juan should be used to Mantis’s preternatural awareness by now, but it still caught him by surprise sometimes.

The agent glanced around the room, gauging everyone’s reaction before responding. “I told you back in the fall to call me Grace,” she said, walking farther into the room. “Mateo called and said you guys had a potential situation that might be of interest to me. I was testifying in a case in Sacramento, so decided to drive down.”

“Wasn’t that your line, too, Callie?” Stone said.

Callie rolled her eyes. “Funny how federal agents might actually be in federal court sometimes.” She’d been testifying in a case in Sacramento as well before meeting the Falcons for the first time. Juan was pretty sure he wasn’t the only one wondering if Grace’s visit might be the start of another beginning, the way Callie’s had.

“Who’s Mateo?” Clara asked.

“That’s me,” Dulcie responded, raising his cue before racking it.

“Come in,” Monk said, stepping forward and ushering Grace in. “There are a few folks you should meet first,” he added before introducing her to Dottie, Clara, Adrian, Kara, Amber, and Zoe.

Dulcie had described the agent as a pocket Venus, a phrase Juan had never heard before, but figured out what it meant pretty quick. Five foot two and curvy as a country back road, voluptuous was the word he’d use to describe her. Her confidence and general air of badassery added a layer of intrigue, too. Or it did for Dulcie, anyway. Even Zoe probably caught the glint of interest in his eye as he watched the agent enter the room.

When everyone was seated, Grace looked at Callie. “Give me the summary.”

Callie, in turn, glanced at Amber and nodded. “It’s your story to tell, Amber.”

Juan strode over and perched on the side of the chair where she sat, resting an arm across the back, his hand on her shoulder. Grace’s eyes flickered to him but returned to Amber. Condensing the life-altering events of the past week into a ten-minute summary, Amber told her everything they knew. Grace’s attention lingered on Zoe when Amber detailed that part of the saga. She and Kendall had moved to the floor and were stacking blocks. Occasionally, Zoe shoved a Cheerio into her mouth. Grace said nothing as she listened.