Page 45 of Juan

Chapter twenty-two

“How are things going with you and Juan? And Zoe?” Daphne asked, keeping her voice low. Amber had put Zoe to bed an hour ago and Clara and Adrian followed thirty minutes after. They were mostly, but not entirely, alone in the lodge room.

She flickered a glance toward the pool table in the corner, not that Spencer would be there. He’d excused himself to check on a project in the garage before she’d taken Zoe to bed. He whispered that he’d come to her tonight, but she sensed he needed a little time. The thought had caused a thread of anxiety to twist inside her as she watched him walk away, and she had to remind herself to trust him. Trust them. He hadn’t said the things he’d said, or shared what he’d shared with her, on a whim. He trusted her with his past, with his pain, with his heart, with his future. She needed to do the same for him.

“It’s a lot,” she admitted, the sound of a cue hitting a ball echoing softly across the room. Most of the Falcons and their partners had gone home or to their rooms. Only Lovell and Superman were left. Superman would probably be in his room as well if Lovell wasn’t hanging around waiting for Daphne.

“Do you want to head home?” she asked her friend.

Daphne made a face. “I want to take a few quiet minutes to talk with my friend,” she replied. “How are you? Really?”

Her eyes dropped to the mug of tea she held. “Terrified something is going to go wrong and I’m going to lose Zoe. Ecstatic to be reunited with her at all. Cautiously optimistic about things with Spencer. At a loss as to what to do about my new job that I’m supposed to start in a few weeks.”

“You won’t lose Zoe,” Daphne said.

Amber bobbed her head. “I know it’s unlikely. The lawyer Michael recommended reminded me of a shark scenting blood. He’s not going to let Anthony within a state’s distance of Zoe. But the fear is still there.”

“It won’t come to this, but if, by chance, it doesn’t look like it’s going the way it should, I have friends who can help fix that.”

Amber lifted her gaze and stared at Daphne. “Please tell me you aren’t talking about hit men?” She paused, then added, “I reserve the right to come back to you on that, though.”

Daphne smiled. “I’m talking about people who can help you disappear. Not what you want. Not what any of us want, especially not Juan, but as a last resort, know you have it in your pocket.”

The most unusual thing about Daphne’s statement was that it wasn’t unusual. Not considering the group of people Amber now called friends. She was officially someone who knew people who knew people who could help her and Zoe disappear. Forever if needed.

“I don’t want it to come to that,” she said. “But thank you.”

Daphne nodded. “Like I said, it won’t. But losing Zoe isn’t something you need to worry about. I know you probably will. Hell, we’ll all breathe easier when this is over and the dust has settled. But it will settle. Now what about Juan?”

“My ex might be helping people kill family members and the child I thought I’d lost is alive and you’re asking about my sex life?” Amber said, although a laugh escaped as she spoke. Because of course, Daphne would ask about Spencer. It wasn’t in her DNA to let that subject drop.

“So there is a sex life?” Daphne asked, wiggling her eyebrows.

Heat climbed up Amber’s neck. She cleared her throat and took a sip of tea before nodding. “Yes, there’s a sex life. But it’s more than that.”

Daphne’s smile widened. “Of course it’s more than that. Even I noticed how he watches you. How he looks out for you. Noticed it the first time I saw the two of you in the same room.”

Amber rolled her eyes. “I like how you say ‘even I noticed’ as if you don’t notice every tiny little detail. You probably know how many balls are left on the pool table right now even though you haven’t glanced over there once.”

“Seven,” she replied, following it with a wry chuckle. “Hazard of being a writer. I notice things.”

“We’ve had this conversation. You’ve always noticed things. I think you became a writer as a way to put stories around the things you notice. I don’t think being a writer made you more observant.”

Daphne wagged her head. “Maybe, but enough about me. Are you happy?”

“With Spencer? Yes. I trust him. I trust myself with him. It feels right, but it’s new.” She hesitated. “I don’t know what all that means when it comes to my new job and Zoe, though.”

“What do you want it to mean?”

She’d always wanted a family, meaningful work, and a community she belonged to. Anthony had done his damnedest to take any chance of that away. She’d almost let him. Now, all three had dropped into her life. To say she was grateful beyond measure was an understatement, and she wouldn’t change a thing, but she wasn’t quite sure how to handle it all.

“Can’t I just have it all?” she replied with a rueful grin.

Daphne scoffed. “That’s a myth and we both know it. You can have it all, just not at the same time. That’s not to say you can’t be a mom, a partner, and have a job, but you will have to make choices. You will have to prioritize and be okay with those choices. Those priorities can change over time, but that kind of chaos is now a part of your life.”

“And I can fight it or I can welcome it,” Amber said, more to herself. She understood the premise and the logic of what she’d murmured, but the reality of it terrified her. Chaos meant unpredictability, and while she once embraced living that way, her years with Anthony had taught her that strict routines were the only way to avoid pain. Not that they’d been a guarantee, but they’d been a chance, and that had been enough.

“I struggle with uncertainty,” she admitted. “And I don’t want my issues to affect Zoe. Or Spencer.”