Page 105 of Miss Understanding

After a short meeting with the attorney, I drove to the cemetery. I hadn’t planned on coming here, yet here I stood in the cold. Walking over to the grave, a few down from where my grandparents were buried, I stopped at the headstone for my father.

It turned out my dad had a hundred-thousand-dollar life insurance policy he’d taken out many years ago. We’d all agreed it would go toward Allison’s kids’ college fund. Someday they would be able to say their grandpa had helped them with school. That he’d been a good man in the end. I thought it was the fresh start he’d hoped for.

Looking up at the clear, dark sky, I was forced to face a couple hard truths about my childhood. Although I was glad my father hadn’t come back while we’d been growing up, I had never appreciated that had been a conscious choice on his part, that he’d decided not to return until he could get sober. And secondly, holding on to hate and resentment was helping no one, least of all me.

So I said the words out loud from my heart. “Thank you for leaving. You staying away was the best thing you could’ve done for us kids and for her. I’m glad in the end you changed. That you got sober.” I could finally start to believe it was the disease that had made him abandon us and not anything we’d done wrong as kids. I could believe my future wasn’t tied to a painful past.

“I’m sorry I never took the time to give you a second chance. But know you made Mom happy in the end. And I forgive you.”

I swallowed hard and walked away with a sense of peace I hadn’t felt in years.

Now I was anxious to get back to California. The problem was how to approach Kendall. Truth be told, my sister had been right. I’d never entertained the idea of a relationship or family because I’d been petrified I couldn’t be enough for them. Instead, I’d focused on a career trajectory, something I could control and to which I would never feel vulnerable. A named partnership might have been something I’d worked for my entire life, but I realized the prize would be empty if I sacrificed Kendall and the baby for it.

Now I just had to plan how to win her back.

Chapter Fifty

Kendall

Trying to get ready for my Friday night at the club proved to be impossible since I kept crying my makeup off. I still kicked myself for telling Liam I was pregnant over the phone. It had been stupid. And now I was paying the price for it by playing his words over and over in my head. I’d always known his career was his priority, so then, why was I feeling so hurt to have that confirmed?

Simple. Because I was a stupid girl who might have thought for a moment he reciprocated my feelings.

Since his call at the office, he’d given me the space I’d asked for by not calling or texting again. I wasn’t sure if I was more relieved or disappointed. Be careful what you ask for I guess.

Taking a deep breath, I tried to keep myself from sobbing again. I’d told him I wasn’t sure what I’d do about the baby, but in truth, there was no doubt. I was absolutely keeping it.

A knock on the bathroom door had me taking in a shaky breath.

“Hey, Kendall. You okay?” Chloe asked.

I came out the door and just hugged her. She didn’t disappoint, simply letting me cry it out without a word. Finally, when there was nothing left, she led me to the couch.

“Can you talk about it?”

“Yeah. I think so.” After dumping everything on her over the next ten minutes, I waited for her response.

“That’s a lot. What will you do?”

“Keeping it.” I wanted to get that out of the way first of all. “Second, I’m transferring to another position in Century City. It would be nice to quit altogether, but I need medical insurance. And I wouldn’t get maternity leave if I went and started a new job.” It was tempting to quit school and work evenings at the club, but I couldn’t. I only had another four months until I got my degree. I was too close. But I had to transfer away from Liam as soon as possible.

I’d also made another decision. I’d sent an email to Stephen Walsh asking about a job opportunity. I wasn’t sure he’d hire a pregnant woman, or if there may be something for after I had the baby, but I hoped fate had put him in my life for a reason.

“Will you talk to Liam on Sunday night?”

“Probably. It’s better than first seeing him Monday in the office and it being horrible. I’m hoping I can get transferred out of there in the next week.”

“What will you say to him?”

“I’ll tell him I don’t need help. I’ll raise this baby on my own. And he can go on to be named partner without ever seeing either of us again.” I was determined to avoid a relationship where neither of us would be wanted.

“He still needs to help you financially.”

He’d be on the hook for child support, but I wasn’t in the right frame of mind to think about it yet. “Pride tells me I don’t want it. Practicality tells me I’ll probably need it.”

“What about telling your family?”

They’d be disappointed. And I’d have to come clean about supplementing my grandmother’s care. I wouldn’t be able to work behind the bar once I was showing, but perhaps the club could find me a different position which would still allow me to earn extra cash to keep her where she was. “I will tell them eventually. Maybe after the first trimester.”