Page 130 of Tell Me Something

“But?” I could hear the word in his voice.

“But you won’t truly know if I’m what you want unless you have a chance to be without me. As much as I hate the thought, you need to figure out what you desire from your future and if you want me to be a part of it. The worst thing I could do is keep pressuring you into something you’re not sure of. You’d resent me. And you’re right; I am starting to begrudge playing it by ear.”

I swallowed hard. “Are you breaking up with me?”

He shook his head and traced my face. “You did that the night of your party. I’m just ready to let you go now.”

CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE

J osh had been right. Fall was beautiful in New Haven. The trees were brilliant colors, and the weather was crisp. I was six weeks post-Josh and moved through my daily routine in a fog. Instead of embracing the college social life, I threw myself into my studies. I wasn’t trying to be a hermit, but I wasn’t motivated to do anything except an occasional study group. Somewhere deep down, I knew I was fighting the depression that threatened to take over, but I couldn’t seem to flip it off like I wanted to. I’d come to the conclusion that I’d blown it with Josh. It was ironic that in pushing him away, I’d brought on the very pain I’d hoped to avoid.

I spent Thursday night finishing up a paper for my Torts class when my phone rang. Will’s number on the screen made me smile for the first time in weeks. I hadn’t talked to him since I’d arrived back from Australia. I’d told him then that Josh and I were taking things day by day. It would be good to talk to a friend.

“Hey, Will.”

“Hiya, Haylee. What are you doing this weekend?”

“No plans. Why, are you heading to New Haven?”

“No, but I was hoping you might be persuaded to come to New York. I have a shoot tomorrow and they need a female model. It’s for Calvin Klein, and you’d be in men’s underwear. They’d be thrilled if you were able to fill in last minute.”

“Uh, what time?”

“Eleven o’clock, and it’s only scheduled for ninety minutes. If I can steal you away from Josh for a couple of hours, we could go out for lunch after?”

It was on the tip of my tongue to tell him that we’d broken up, but I just couldn’t seem to say the words out loud. “I’d like that. I’ve missed my friends.” That part was true, but it was also true that I’d pushed them away. I’d opted to blow off Catherine and Sasha whenever they texted me by telling them I was busy with school. They’d stopped asking when I was coming into the city and I wondered if they were aware of the breakup by now.

“Cool. I’ll text you the address and see you there.”

THE NEXT DAY I was tempted to text Josh and tell him I was going to be in town. Or just show up on his doorstep tonight. The problem was that for all I knew he had a new girlfriend by now and I wasn’t sure I’d survive seeing him with someone else.

I was a little ahead of schedule when the cab from the train station pulled up in front of the address in Chelsea that Will had texted me. The shoot was in a contemporary art gallery on the second floor of a repurposed warehouse. I headed in.

Will hadn’t arrived yet, but the Calvin Klein rep greeted me by name and put me directly into hair and makeup. “We have men’s sizes. You look to be about a size two-four in women’s, is that right?” she asked.

I met her look in the mirror. “Uh, more like four-six.”

She grabbed some briefs and brought them over.

I pulled them up and frowned. They were really baggy. I’d probably lost a couple of pounds in the last few weeks but definitely not a full size.

“Let’s get you a smaller pair,” she offered.

I slipped on the smaller size briefs and a white tank top and headed out to the main room. I was all smiles for Will, who was shirtless and in his own briefs.

“Hey, you.” I gave him a hug and then cocked my head when he frowned at me.

“Jesus, Haylee, how much weight have you lost?”

“Maybe a couple of pounds,” I answered in a small voice.

He didn’t look like he bought it. “More like a full size, maybe more. I thought college was supposed to pack on the pounds,” he teased as we took our places in front of the screen.

The scene was pretty straightforward. We were done in two changes and just over an hour later.

“Come on, let’s go get something to eat before you fall over.” Will took my arm and led me outside.

“Why do I feel like you’re mad?”