Page 90 of Miss Fortune

“It’s not just neat and organized, though. It’s OCD.”

“Okay, whatever label you want to call it. Let me ask you why it’s important to you to keep things this way? What do you get from having things in order?”

“Peace. It relaxes my mind to have everything put in its proper place.”

I framed his face with my hands. “There’s no part of me which wouldn’t want you to have peace. You act as though this was a horrible way to live when in fact your ex was the horrible one for making you feel that way. It was an incompatibility, not a flaw in you. As for the Asperger’s maybe being hereditary, you’d be lucky to have a child like you in the world. Unlike your parents, you’d love him unconditionally and tell him it’s okay to be different from this stupid narrative of ‘normal.’ Normal isn’t special.”

He huffed an emotional breath. “There’s something else I need to tell you.”

“What is it?”

“I had a vasectomy ten years ago. I can’t give you a family.”

The shock must’ve showed on my face at this revelation. “You had a vasectomy because of what your ex-wife said to you?”

“It wasn’t a knee-jerk reaction. I never thought I’d have a relationship again, let alone have children.”

I was about to tell him options remained if he chose to have a family. Hell, I wasn’t sure I could have children naturally, either. Although there were successful pregnancies among transplant patients, I wasn’t keen on the extra doctor’s visits and lab work. The idea of adoption had always appealed to me.

But he beat me to my budding response. “I don’t know if I could ever live with someone again. How I’ll feel having someone in my space. Or how I’d react to a major life change like having children, even if you were open to the idea of adopting.”

It occurred to me that, in addition to fearing I’d react to his idiosyncrasies like his ex-wife had, he was anxious about his own capabilities. Over time, he seemed to have convinced himself he wasn’t cut out for a relationship or family, and now he didn’t know how to believe otherwise.

“What do you propose we do?” I almost hated to ask.

“I propose you take your trip to Seattle and think about if moving there is what you want. In the meantime, I’ll try to figure out what I’m capable of. Maybe even see my therapist again.” He sighed heavily. “I don’t want to get down the road a year or two only to find out this doesn’t work.”

“Caleb, that’s what a relationship is. A risk, a trial, a period of time you either move forward to the next step or you decide not to. You’re putting a lot of pressure on yourself to make some long-term decisions right now.”

“Perhaps. But you deserve to know whether I can at least be open to the prospect of getting married again and having a family. Otherwise, what’s the point?”

He wasn’t wrong. If he wasn’t open to those possibilities, then I was only setting myself up to get my heart broken all over again.

Chapter Thirty-Nine

Caleb

I stood in the baggage claim area, waiting to see a familiar face. Daisy had been in Seattle for six days, and her flight had landed ten minutes ago. Although she was content with taking an Uber home, I’d insisted on picking her up despite being a Wednesday night.

Over the last week, I’d missed her like crazy.

Looking down at the bracelet on my wrist, I twisted it around and sighed. I’d been serious when I’d said I wouldn’t take it off.

My problem, however, remained unsolved. Would I be able to handle living together? Could I trust my issues wouldn’t become too much for her? I was not only afraid of trusting her; I was afraid I couldn’t trust myself. Could I handle the pressure of a committed relationship?

To say my mind had been working overtime on overthinking was an understatement. But the moment she walked toward me in a bright dress with an even brighter smile, my mind went blank, and my heart jammed in my throat.

She came in for the hug, and I lifted her up off the ground before setting her down and kissing her softly.

“I missed you,” she whispered, wiping the lipstick from my mouth with her thumb.

“I missed you too,” I replied, meaning it. There was so much more to say, but the baggage terminal at LAX wasn’t the place to do it.

After gathering her luggage and getting into my car in the parking garage, we drove toward my house. My hand held hers across the console.

The sound of my cell phone ringing over the Bluetooth broke the silence in the car. I promptly pressed ignore and kissed her hand. Tonight was about us and our future, not about any client who might be calling. But unfortunately, the ring started up again.

“It’s okay. You can answer it,” Daisy offered.