Page 88 of Miss Treated

I didn’t look back as I walked away.

Chapter Forty-Seven

Kelsey

Although I had every intention of driving straight up to my brother’s house in Malibu, an hour into my drive, I found myself taking a familiar exit instead, the one leading toward Newport Beach and Chance’s other house. The house I’d gone to after my breakup with Joel. The very place I’d been avoiding ever since the incident. Now I sought it out as if compelled.

The three-story beach house was a block away from the water. The entry level boasted a large living area with a television, and the second level held the kitchen and a family room with a fireplace. I took my suitcase straight up to the master suite on the third floor. The same master suite where I’d been found semi-conscious after taking a combination of sleeping and pain pills.

As I ambled into the bedroom, I noticed new décor. Evidently, Chance had redecorated the room. Whether for me or for him I wasn’t sure, but the memory of the event had scarred us both. I sat on the bed and deliberately thought back on the night I always pushed to the dark corners of my mind.

I’d been distraught after leaving Joel. Felt deeply ashamed I’d stayed so long. Over the years, I’d lost friends because of him, and I’d lied to my brothers every time they asked how I was doing. I’d hit rock bottom and simply didn’t think I was worthy enough to climb out. I’d believed him when he’d said he was my entire world, and I didn’t know who I was without that world. Alone, having left him, I’d started to question if life was worth living.

Now, here again many months later, I got up and went inside the walk-in closet where I took a seat in front of the mirror there. I was finally ready to have a conversation with the woman from my past. The one I’d berated over the last year and been so ashamed of.

“I know you didn’t think you were worthy, and you didn’t think you were strong, but it’s not your fault,” I whispered. “I’m sorry you didn’t get out of an abusive relationship for so long. You didn’t know how to. You didn’t understand you were worth more than the way they treated you.”

It occurred to me I’d used the word “they” to include my mother in the mix. Much like the one I had with Joel, our relationship had been toxic. I hadn’t loved myself enough to comprehend I’d deserved better. Instead I’d hoped to please two people who could never be pleased. All in the hopes they’d finally love me. But just as I’d start to feel the slightest amount of happiness, they’d move the carrot. And I’d stayed out of a desperation to be loved.

“I forgive you,” I whispered to the woman in the mirror. God, those three words were so powerful I started to sob. Horrible body-wracking sobs. I’d needed to say those words to the woman of my past who hadn’t possessed the strength I had now. Who hadn’t known her worth or realized she needed to learn to love herself.

Finally, after there were no more tears to cry, I took a deep breath, the oxygen a reminder that I was strong. I was capable. I was alive. I’d finally started to make peace with my past, and I refused to be ashamed of it. It had made me who I was today.

More than anything, I’d always wanted to be loved. Loved by my mother, by my father, by Joel. But had I ever believed I was worthy of love?

The answer was no. Somewhere along the line, I’d never learned to love myself. But over the last few months, I’d realized I was worthy of love. The type of love which didn’t require earning, and which wasn’t kept from me as a power move.

“You’re worthy of being loved,” I whispered, but instead of feeling lighter for the admission, I frowned.

Why? Because I’d deserved Dominic’s love. But I’d pushed him away. I’d done it out of self-preservation. Out of the fear that once he knew my history, he’d reject me. I’d broken him before he could break me.

What did I do now? Emotionally, I was absolutely spent. I had no doubt Dominic was with his family, dealing with the fallout from his father’s revelation. It was tempting to call him, but to say what? I needed a good night’s sleep. Maybe after, I’d come up with an idea of how I could fix this.

Chapter Forty-Eight

Dominic

I returned to my condo to find a full house. Ava was on the couch next to my mom, both of them with hot tea in their hands and looking as if they’d been crying.

My brothers were perched on my kitchen stools, pouring bourbon and cursing Dad, obviously up to speed on the situation.

All eyes turned to me when I came in. My mom spoke first, “Did you find her?”

“Yeah.” I turned to Gabe. “Pour me some, would you?”

“That bad?” Leo asked.

“Yep.” She’d broken my heart. Shattered it into a million pieces. This is why people didn’t do commitment. I got it now. I finally understood why love was for fools and sadists. Before, I’d only guessed at the truth. It was better to stay unattached. No one got hurt when your heart wasn’t involved. No one treated you like you were too dumb and incompetent to be taken seriously if you didn’t commit to a job.

I was now marinating my heartbreak over Kelsey with my disappointment in my father not including me in the fraud investigation. He hadn’t trusted me to handle anything beyond what he viewed as my shallow capability. It didn’t matter that I’d wanted to commit to both Kelsey and my father’s job. It didn’t matter how much I’d put into it. At the end of the day, it was a lesson. A lesson of why bother. Shitty things happened no matter how much work you put in. See? This is what I got for giving a damn.

My mom came up and gave me a side hug. “You want to talk about it?”

“Nope. I want to drink.” If I started talking about Kelsey, I’d get emotional. And there was enough emotion in the room. “How are you? How’s Ava?” I needed to shift focus onto my family.

Much to the shock of myself and my brothers, my mom took my second shot from my hand and downed it. “We’re fine. Ava talked to Sophia, and she came clean about everything. The gambling debt, the embezzlement.”

I let out a breath, furious. She’d taken such swipes at Kelsey all the while knowing she was right. Sophia was a thief. “What happens next?”