Page 41 of Unraveled

He paused mid-bite to make a hilarious face that had me laughing.

I winced at my own action, still tender when it came to laughter. “Sorry to blurt that out while we’re eating.”

“It’s okay. This sushi is good enough that I’ll ignore it and keep eating. Since Sunday is bland food day, what’s your last big meal with your family on Saturday going to be?”

“Probably steak. Do you want to come?” The instant the words were out of my mouth, I cringed internally. I didn’t want him to feel trapped. He didn’t have to keep me company. Hell, we hadn’t even had a conversation about what this was between us. I certainly didn’t need a boyfriend right now, of all times.

“I’d love to come, unless the regret etched on your face means you don’t actually want me there.”

“I do, but—”

“But what?”

I wasn’t sure how to verbalize it eloquently, so I chose the blunt version. “I don’t want you to feel obligated.” I pointed between the two of us. “This thing has changed, and although it’s really sweet of you to come over and read up on what I’ll be facing, it’s obvious things aren’t the same as they were before the surgery.”

His face scrunched up in confusion. “What’s obvious, and what’s not working out? I’m sitting here with you eating sushi after having hoped for days I’d be able to see you.”

I shook my head, incredulous that he wasn’t taking this seriously. “Kellan, I already can’t have sex with you. In three days’ time, I won’t be able to kiss you, let alone be very good company. I wish I could press a fast-forward button, but I can’t. Instead, I’m stuck for the next few months on this merry-go-round of cancer treatments.”

In his eyes flickered a temper I’d never seen. “So, what? I should get off now? Is that what you’re saying?

“It would be better for you.” Didn’t he see what it was costing me to let him go? I wanted to be selfish and hang on to him, but I recognized no relationship one week old could sustain this type of change. Hell, even if I hadn’t found Chad cheating, I doubt we would’ve weathered this storm. It was simply too much.

He leaned forward, ensuring his gaze was locked with mine. “Was I just sex to you?”

How could I answer that? I’d gone into it thinking it was just sex, but it had changed. “No, but—”

“I’ll give you the first night, Layla. We were a one-night stand. Sure, but the fact is I knew the minute you kissed me in the bar I’d want more. The morning after, I could see by the way you left that ‘more’ wasn’t part of your plan. So, I proceeded with baby steps. Another night. A dinner. A complete day. All of those things were because I desired more with you. And yes, Friday morning and the truth of your situation threw me for a complete loop. Cancer isn’t something I could’ve imagined, but it doesn’t mean we can’t keep seeing one another.”

“You don’t even know the real me.” There, I’d admitted it.

He didn’t quip back with a joke. Instead he took my hand. “I’d argue that I’ve barely scratched the surface of the real you. It’s been a week. Regardless of the circumstances, it would be too early for either of us to truly know each other yet.”

That was a fair point. But I was worried. In my career choice, my failed relationship, and my priorities in general, I’d obviously made mistakes. Although cancer was the very worst thing to happen to me, it put shit into perspective real quick. Right away, I’d realized that my so-called friends, coworkers, and boyfriend weren’t going to be there for me. So, I was scared. Scared to let anyone new in at this most vulnerable time of my life.

“Can we do that?” he asked. “Get to know one another from here? More baby steps?”

I nodded yes, not trusting my voice.

He leaned over, his lips meeting mine again in a sweet kiss that caused another tear to leak out.

“You keep crying every time I kiss you, and I’m likely to develop a complex.”

I wiped my face and took a deep breath, needing to be in this moment and not spoil it with my insecurities. “I promise they’re the type of tears that mean you’re doing it right.”

“Good. Now let’s eat.”

We made small talk throughout the rest of the meal. It felt good to hear him go on about his new, massive remodel project as if this were just an ordinary day, and he was sharing what had happened at his job.

“Can I ask you something?” His question came while he was cleaning up the kitchen, and I remained seated on the sofa. The advantage of a small apartment was you were always within talking distance.

“Yeah. Sure.”

“You mentioned an ex? What happened?”

Hadn’t I been Ms. Nosey in asking him the details about his ex-girlfriend? Seemed only fair I tell him about Chad. “We’d been together almost a year when I got the diagnosis.”

I was about to tell him more about the day Chad and I broke up when Kellan interjected. “How did that happen? The diagnosis.” He walked back into the living room. “Sorry. I don’t mean to interrupt with all of my questions.” His expression was sheepish.