Page 46 of Unraveled

Sounded familiar. “What did you do to get past it?”

“I recognized that if the shoes were flipped and I was the one who could give comfort or assistance, I wouldn’t hesitate. And I’d be hurt if someone didn’t accept it. There will be plenty of people who won’t show up, at least in my experience. I lost friends who either couldn’t deal with what I was going through or who simply freaked out at the idea of cancer. My advice is you let the people who are determined to stay with you and support you continue to do so.”

“But how do you know they’ll stay? How can you trust that it won’t be too much at some point?”

Her gaze met mine, and I knew she understood exactly what I was saying. “You don’t know. You simply have to trust. It’s no different whether you have cancer or not. Think of it this way. At some point, you gotta jump in and hope for the best. Most people do that when things are still shiny and rosy. You’re doing it when the stakes are higher. Just do yourself a couple favors?”

“What’s that?”

“Don’t make any rash decisions until you’re through this. Like break up with him unless he becomes a real ass. Treatment leaves you vulnerable, emotional, and oftentimes irrational.”

The way she said it made me wonder about her. “You sound as if you speak from experience.”

“I do. Luckily, he didn’t listen and remains my husband today. And for God’s sake, don’t go the other way and go eloping to Vegas, either. I’ve heard of people doing crazy stuff like that too.”

I grinned. “That definitely won’t happen.” I was questioning my ability to pick a boyfriend. I certainly wasn’t going to trust I could pick a husband. But her words did highlight how whacked out my emotions might become over the course of this treatment.

“The other favor you can do yourself is to stay busy. It’s good you don’t have to try to balance a job, but sitting around your apartment without something to occupy your mind will make the time go by slower.”

She had an excellent point. I needed something to keep me occupied. “I have a bucket list. I don’t suppose you know how to knit?”

“I don’t, but I have a friend who can show you. I’ll find out when she’s available.”

“That would be wonderful.” I also wanted to order the Rosetta Stone for Spanish. Those were two items on my list to conquer.

Changing the subject, I asked a question that had been weighing on my mind, “Have you ever known people who don’t have their hair fall out with chemo?”

“Yes, but most were on low doses. Given your treatment plan, it doesn’t sound to me that’s what will happen with you. You have aggressive cancer, you need aggressive treatment. You have thick hair, but don’t get your hopes up.”

“I won’t.” But I wanted to. Aside from my breasts, my long hair was an attribute I prized. I wasn’t fond of the idea of losing it.

“I have some really great scarf ties I can show you. And you can always wear a wig in the interim. Sometimes it’s fun to be a blonde or redhead for an evening, if you get my meaning.”

I did, but I wasn’t sure I understood. “You felt good enough during treatment to be physical?” I’d assumed sex would be off the table for months and months, but was it possible?

“Everyone is different, but come that third week between chemo treatments I started to feel up for it. It was my window.”

“But what about—you know?” I gestured to my chest. I sure as hell wouldn’t let Kellan see me this way.

“Honey, you wear a sexy camisole to cover your upper half, then put your naked ass in the air, and your man won’t give a crap you had a mastectomy. He’s gonna be turned on. Not saying he shouldn’t go gentle, but where there’s desire, there’s a way.”

A giggle escaped my throat. She wasn’t wrong. Hadn’t Kellan said my ass was his favorite feature? “I guess I didn’t think of it that way.”

After my shower and breakfast, I sat on the sofa and thought more about Patty’s words. Perhaps there was hope for this thing with Kellan. Maybe I could feel sexy and get things back to the way they’d started between us.

By the time night fell, I’d napped, eaten some cereal for lunch, and was settling in for a movie while contemplating what to eat for dinner. Funny how I’d craved solitude while in the hospital but was now already sick of it.

Kellan’s text surprised me. “You still up?”

It was only eight o’clock, but considering I’d crashed around this time last night, I understood why he was asking.

“Yep. Up and watching a movie.”

“Hungry?”

“I thought you had a meeting?” I replied.

“Did, but it’s over. I thought I’d bring over the chowder tonight instead of waiting until Friday.”