Page 86 of Unraveled

Chapter Twenty-Nine

Layla

By the fourth time I sat down for chemo treatment, I knew almost everyone working in the oncology department and could greet most by name. I’d also gotten to know others going through chemo. I was quickly finding out I wasn’t alone. In fact, there were a number of people who’d been doing it a lot longer than I had. But the downside of establishing relationships with my fellow chemo patients was that I also took it hard when one didn’t make it.

That night, as I sat on the couch in my dark apartment, contemplating the unfairness of a mother of three losing her battle with colon cancer, Kellan came through the door. His mere presence, even months after we’d met, could make me feel instantly better.

“Hi. Sorry I didn’t knock. I thought you might be sleeping.”

Despite my mother having gone with me to today’s treatment, Kellan was checking up on me. He always insisted on doing so for the first couple of nights after chemo. I loved how he took such good care of me. Not just physically, but emotionally.

“I couldn’t sleep much.”

He took off his work boots, sitting down beside me. “What’s wrong?”

“The woman, Shelly, who comes for chemo on the same Mondays as me—she was going through stage four colon cancer—she didn’t make it. I found out today.”

“Is she the one with the three kids?”

I was touched he’d remembered. “Yeah.”

He sighed deeply. “I’m really sorry to hear that. She had been fighting for years.”

“Yes, she had.” She’d had her cancer go into remission three years ago, only for it to return a year later. I shared my deepest fear. “What if this is only the first round for me? What if I beat this, only to have it return? The rate of relapse in five years for triple negative breast cancer is much higher than for other kinds.” Thirty percent versus seven percent for other types of breast cancer.

He rubbed my back. “You also have stage two, which means it was caught early. And they’re treating you aggressively. All of those factors work in your favor.”

“Then why me and not Shelly? She had kids and—”

He cut me off. “Don’t do that. Don’t compare the value of your life to someone else’s. You and I both know cancer isn’t fair. Period.”

Cancer also didn’t discriminate. All races, religions, age groups, and economic backgrounds were at risk. I expelled a breath, having fought depression all day after hearing about Shelly. I had a serious case of survivor’s guilt. “No, it isn’t fair. I don’t know if I’d have it in me to go through years and years of this.”

“You have three more chemo treatments left. The doctors say everything is responding as planned. You can only look at the next step, not the what-ifs.”

That was true. Kellan had been with me for my last appointment with my oncologist. They’d told me how pleased they were with the way everything was responding. My final three treatments would take me into the New Year. Hopefully, I’d start radiation at the end of January and be completely done by April. At least that was the plan. Then again, I was certain Shelly had a plan, too.

“How was today with your mom there for your chemo?”

“Not too bad. She didn’t break out the vacuum this time when we got back, so it’s progress. She wanted to spend the night, but I told her overnights were your thing.”

“It is my thing. You okay? Sounds like a rough day.”

It had been. In addition to finding out about Shelly, I’d had to file for long-term disability. It was one more step in a direction from which I wasn’t sure how to return. Although I tried not to burden him when I felt down, this wasn’t an instance I’d be able to fake it. “It was rough. I’m scared. Scared the bottom could drop out any minute.”

He faced me, gently cupping my chin. “Then let me be the strong one for you. Whenever you’re scared, whenever you’re worried, I’ll be your rock. I’ll remind you that we’ll just go one small step in front of the other.”

There were times I still didn’t allow myself to rely on him completely for fear it would be too much. Yet the man had never wavered. He’d never indicated this was too much. Instead, he took my fight and made it part of his own. “I love you. And if my mouth wasn’t full of blisters and my spit toxic from the chemo, I’d totally make out with you right now.”

He softly chuckled. “I love you, too. And rain check for the kisses. Remember, plenty of kinky times ahead.”

I smiled, loving the thought of all of the things we’d do at some point. “How is work on the Williamses’ house? You got the appliances delivered today?”

He was nearing the end of the project, now focused on the kitchen and painting. We were literally counting the days. I wasn’t jealous of Carly any longer, but frankly, we’d both be happy to put his ex-girlfriend and her family in our rearview mirror.

“Okay. Per usual, there was a change of heart. Now I’m waiting on the new refrigerator.”

Unfortunately, this was the norm for this project. There was no way of telling whether all of the changes were Carly’s punishment of Kellan for rejecting her or if the Williamses were simply high-maintenance. Either way, I knew he’d be relieved when this was all done. I was proud of him for already having a number of new jobs lined up.