Page 36 of Icing on Top

“Sounds good. Goodnight, Jeremiah.”

“Goodnight, Zoe.”

I stood there, hands tucked in my pockets to keep away the chill as I watched her climb into her car and reverse from the driveway. She sent one last wave through the window, and I waved back.

It wasn’t until her car disappeared around the corner that it actually hit me.

I was going on a date.

Chapter 15

Jeremiah

“I don’t know, Wes. A tie seems a bit stuffy.”

I tugged uncomfortably at the knot around my neck, the fabric suddenly resembling a boa constrictor coiling tighter around my windpipe.

Wes’s face grew bigger on my phone screen as he leaned in closer to the camera, a prominent frown on his lips. Or at least what I could see of them. He was mostly eyeballs and nose at this point.

“You asked for my advice, didn’t you?”

I sighed heavily. “Yes, but this isn’t game day. I don’t need to be wearing a full suit and tie.”

“But this is game day! This is the biggest game day of all,” he insisted, sitting back once more. “My best friend is finally going on a first date.”

Now I really couldn’t breathe. One sharp tug unraveled the knot I’d redone at least five times, and I tossed the stifling tie to the side. The first two buttons of my shirt were next until I could finally suck in enough air to fill my lungs. I impulsively reached for the silver chain peeking out from underneath my shirt, tugging the necklace free. I ran my thumb over the smooth links until I reached my wedding band. It’d taken me over a year to take it off my finger, and even then, it’d mostly been because its presence prompted questions and inquiries from others about my wife. Wearing it on a necklace that I could tuck under my shirt saved me the heartache of explaining and kept away the pitying looks from strangers.

“Ooh, yes! Do that. That’s hot with a few buttons undone.” Wes’s voice brought me out of my thoughts. “And keep the suit jacket in case she gets cold. Nothing makes a girl swoon like a guy offering her his jacket.”

That earned him an amused smile as I eyed him through my phone.

“How often do you pull that move?”

“Oh, all the time.” He winked obnoxiously. “Perks of it being cool temps in Seattle more often than not.”

I had very clearly enjoyed seeing Zoe in my over-sized t-shirt. I could only imagine what seeing her in a dress with my suit jacket draped around her shoulders would do to me.

Okay, yeah. The blazer stayed.

I tucked the necklace back inside of my shirt, and the cool metal of the ring settled against my skin as I adjusted my collar, the small weight of it reassuring. Something settled inside my chest as well.

“Perfect,” Wes murmured, his words mirroring my thoughts. “You’re going to have a great night. I’m proud of you, Jay.”

I gave him a soft smile, grateful to have him in this moment, even if only through a screen.

“Thanks for talking me through it.”

“Anytime.”

I’d mostly kept my nerves in check as I drove to pick up Zoe from her apartment, but the second I hit downtown, the reality of it all hit me full force, tying my stomach into knots. My finger shook as I pressed the intercom button with Z. Daniels written neatly below it. I reminded myself to take deep breaths.

“Hey!” Zoe’s voice came through the speaker. “I’ll be right down.”

“Sounds good,” I replied lamely.

I shoved my hands in my pockets, unsure what to do with them since I didn’t have my miniature sketchbook on hand. I’d considered bringing it, but ultimately decided against it in hopes of pushing myself to not be so dependent upon it to regulate myself.

When I had first picked up the habit, I only ever doodled before hockey games or between periods when we were waiting in the locker room. After Sadie’s accident, it had become a permanent accessory, always shoved in my back pocket. I never left home without one and had filled up seven of them by the time the first anniversary of her passing had come around.