Page 29 of Crossing the Line

Then, in the second before the picture was taken, his heavy arm came around my shoulders, plastering me to his side. My entire body lit up, and my heart felt like it was doing somersaults in my chest.

No. No getting excited.

It was just friendship. So, I kept my body stiff and plastered a fake smile on my face for the camera, wondering why Damien was acting so weird.

Chapter Eleven: Damien

Kelsie nearly got hurt the first time we went hiking. It was about four months after we met. She brought the kids to the firehouse in early January, and winters in the Midwest could be bitterly cold. So, we waited until the springtime to check out a nature preserve together.

Flowers were in bloom, and the trees had fresh, new leaves. Wildlife was becoming more active as well, and we were five minutes into the hike when she spotted a doe with her fawn. They were in a clearing, munching on a blackberry bush, and Kelsie was so busy staring that she didn’t see a tree root on the path. It was only my quick reflexes that kept her from tumbling to the ground.

Ever since, I kept an eye on her during our hikes, staying close just in case she tripped again. Even with all the people around us today, I tried to stay near her.

But she didn’t make it easy. After our stop at the cliff, which lasted about a half an hour, the guide led us further along the path, which made a wide loop through the rainforest and back to the resort. No matter how often I moved close enough to be within arm’s reach of Kelsie, she would subtly shift away, putting a couple of feet between us.

The distance was small, but the chasm in our relationship felt huge. It was uniquely frustrating because she was trying to act like nothing was strange about it. She talked to me like she always did, pointing out animals she saw and reminiscing with me about our past hikes. I knew she wasn’t as into walking around among the trees as I was, but she never turned down an opportunity to join me.

At least, she never had before. I didn’t know what would happen when we returned home.

Because I hurt her. I understood that now. She was disappointed by my reaction the morning after we slept together because she wanted it to mean something. That was the only explanation for what she said about how I crushed her.

She didn’t just want friendship with me. She wanted more, and my reaction that morning had made her pull back that desire. She was settling for being friends because it was what I wanted.

My mind was reeling from that revelation, and I didn’t know what to do with it. How could I fix this mess I’d made?

Kelsie said to just forget what happened that night, to act like it didn’t happen, and I knew that was probably the right call. If I really wanted to keep her as my friend, there was no other choice.

But I wasn’t sure that I could forget it.

I’d tried not to think about it over the last few days, even as memories from that night grew sharper, more detailed as the haze caused by the alcohol lifted. I tried not to think about the way she felt beneath me or the spark of connection between us that deepened my pleasure. I tried not to remember the fact that it was the best sex of my life.

It was too significant, too good. I had a feeling that I’d remember it forever and probably compare any other sexual encounter to her. Not that I could even imagine sleeping with anyone else, even months or years from now. It would serve me right if sleeping with Kelsie ruined me for anyone else.

The sound of her phone chiming with another text grated my nerves. I kept facing forward as we walked, but I could see her out of the corner of my eye as she pulled out her phone and that soft smile pulled at her full lips. When she received the first text earlier, I felt like someone had reached inside my chest and hollowed me out. It was a quietly devastating moment, and I didn’t understand why.

Glancing quickly at her face now, I realized what the problem was. It wasn’t just her almost intimate smile while texting another man. It was the light in her eyes that was achingly familiar. She used to look at me that way, and she hadn’t since that morning. Looking back, remembering the scene in my room through the filter of now knowing she wanted to be a couple, I could pinpoint when the light disappeared.

It was when I called what we did a mistake. She said it crushed her, and I was too freaked out by the fact that I’d slept with my best friend to notice it at the time. Too selfish.

“There’s a fallen tree across the path ahead,” the guide called out. “It’s not too big, so we can step over it. Just be careful.”

Kelsie tucked her phone away again just as we reached the fallen tree, and I stepped closer to help her over. But Gordon was right in front of us and he turned back, offering her his hand before I got a chance to do it.

My jaw throbbed as I watched him help her over the tree, and I realized that I was grinding my teeth together.

I followed behind her, and I could see the resort up ahead through a break in the trees. We were almost back where we started, and it was a relief because I was ready to be done with this hike.

Yet, when Kelsie picked up her pace, the frustration I felt grew, making my pulse pound in my ears. It felt like she was trying to get away from me, even though my rational mind said that probably wasn’t the case.

I couldn’t help how I felt. Everything was unraveling right now and things hadn’t been right since I slept with Kelsie.

The thing that was the most confusing about this was that I no longer felt regret when I thought about that night. No matter how much it screwed everything up, I still couldn’t bring myself to wish it didn’t happen.

When we broke out of the tree line as a group, I pulled in a deep breath of ocean air and tried to calm down, but as Kelsie started to walk toward the resort without a care about whether or not I was by her side, I was close to snapping.

I couldn’t keep going like this. Half-finished conversations and distance that felt insurmountable were driving me crazy. I needed to talk to her again. Now.

Weaving my way through the group to get to her, I placed a hand on her arm above her elbow. “Hey, can I have a moment with you?”