Page 56 of The Duke Who Claimed Her

“You are,” he said, his voice soft, his expression sad. “And that you are… That you think that is a natural reaction necessary toward me… You have no idea how much this upsets me.”

“It does?” She watched him closely, and she could not deny how ashamed he appeared. Stranger still, it made her feel awful, as if she was wrong to have felt that way.

“Are you scared of me, Arabella?” he asked.

“I…” She considered the question. “No, I am not.” Slowly, she drew herself up and looked right at him. The fear was gone, and she wanted him to know that she was telling him the truth. “I do not fear you, Caspian. But I did the wrong thing, and you are right to be upset with me.”

“Your father is who I am upset with,” he said. “And that is something I will deal with later. But that you could not come to me with this…” He shook his head to himself. “That is a problem I must deal with now.”

“Oh…” She swallowed. “What do you mean?”

Caspian looked at her for a moment, but it was more like he was staring through her, his mind elsewhere. His brow furrowed, and he stayed silent as shadows flickered behind his eyes, wrestling with thoughts she could not understand.

And then, without a word, he turned and strode across the room toward the door. When he reached it, he shut it, trapping them both inside. Alone.

Arabella’s eyes widened, and her heart leaped through her throat. Whatever it was that he was about to say and do, she had the distinct impression that it might change this marriage once and for all. And while she knew what she wanted, did Caspian? And would he admit it?

She eyed the closed door. She then looked at her husband and how serious he had become. Whatever this was, she knew it would change everything.

Chapter Twenty-One

“You know by now that I did not wish to marry,” he began as he crossed the room back toward her. Arabella stood perfectly still, unsure of what was about to happen, while knowing that it would be hugely significant. “I did so for Timothy, as you are aware. But as to why that was what forced me… Why, if not for him, I would have stayed single for the rest of my life. You deserve to know the truth.”

Arabella had no idea what to say.

Caspian stopped just a few feet from where she stood, and her eyes flicked past him to the closed door. Alone as they were, it heightened the tension, increased the intimacy, and had Arabella locked in place, for fear that speaking or moving might ruin the moment.

“Your relationship with your father is strained,” he continued. As he spoke, he looked past her, as if he was focused on something in the distance… or something in the past. “I should have understood the significance of this earlier, Arabella. I should have seen how similar we are, in so many ways.”

He chuckled at that, bitterly, shaking his head as if such a comment was absurd.

“What do you mean?”

“My father was a cruel man,” he continued darkly. “Growing up, he ran his home with fear and wickedness. He treated me with coldness, while he treated my mother as if she were a possession. Worse still, only we knew this side of him…” His lips curled with distaste. “To the public, he was well-respected, liked by most, a perfect member of high society. But behind closed doors…” A fire burned behind his eyes, as if he were reliving the memories in real time. “I loathed him, Arabella. And as much as I did, considering the type of man he was, I wonder sometimes if I did not hate him enough.”

Still, Arabella said nothing.

She noticed how close Caspian was to her—only two or three feet away. She also felt him loom over her, blocking the rest of the room, his width and size like a wall she could not escape. And she could sense the pain in his voice; never before had he been this vulnerable, this honest, this real.

Why is he telling me this now? And what does it really mean?

“I was happy when he died,” Caspian continued with the same level of intensity. “I thought…” He grimaced. “I thought that with his death, I could forget him and what he did. To ignore that part of my life forever, that this would be my ultimate revenge. What I did not realize until later was just how deep my father’s legacy ran. It…” He winced and looked away as if in shame. “He is a part of me. Too often, I see myself in him. And try as I might, I can never escape him.”

Arabella wanted to reach out and touch Caspian on the arm. She could see that he was hurting, that he needed her. But she suspected, too, that he was not ready for such a thing. Whatever this was, Caspian needed space to let it out, to change.

“You think yourself to be trapped by your father.” His head snapped up, and he looked right at her; his eyes glazed and watery, hate and pity reflected in them. “It is nothing compared to what I live with every day. My greatest fear is that if I am not careful, then I will turn out to be just like him. Timothy… He deserves a father, but a better one than I can be. And you? You deserve a husband, but if I dare to try…” He clenched his teeth as if each word was a struggle. “If I become my father, that is a life I would not wish upon anyone. You, most of all.”

She nodded carefully. “That is why…”

“You are braver than you think, Arabella.” His voice turned soft, almost proud. “That you were able to tell me about your father at all is proof that he does not own you. Since you have come into this home, you have changed so much, grown beyond him so that he does not own you.”

She shook her head. “He still does. I thought he did not, but…”

“No,” he said sharply. “He does not.” Then, he took a step toward her, quickly, and Arabella gasped to find Caspian so close. “I am sorry for what I have done to you, Arabella. I should have… To force this marriage… To trap you…” He held her in his stare as if he needed her to see how sorry he was. “But please know, I will never do to you what my father did to my mother. And if your father ever tries to control you again, I will save you from him. Whatever you might think of me, know that to be true. You freed yourself from him, and that needs to matter.”

Arabella could not believe what she was hearing.

But just because she could not believe it, it did not mean the words did not matter. And while she did not fully understand them yet, she knew he was trying to ease her suffering and doubt. Whatever Caspian was, he was not controlling. He truly cared.