Page 132 of Darkest Obsession

“We could run away together,” Thomas says, grinning. “I’ve got money.”

I want to say yes to that so badly. I don’t want to sign the releases to be in the videos my mom and I don’t know where we’d run, but running away with Thomas seems like the only way I could ever let myself enjoy him. But I can’t run away from my life to be with Thomas, even if I really fucking want to.

“I can’t.”

“Why not?”

“Lil’ Cee.”

I haven’t seen my brother in months. He’s been alone with my mom, probably smack in the middle of the divorce and going through hell. He hardly chats with me online and I don’t know what his life has been like since I went away to boarding college. I can’t abandon my little brother at Christmas time.

“I see,” Thomas whispers. “I understand.”

He leans forward and kisses my forehead. I think he really understands, but that doesn’t mean he isn’t disappointed. Thomas’ chest heaves and the pillar of muscle in front of me leans in closer. He wraps his arms around me and gives me a big, genuine hug. I rest my head on his chest and listen to his heartbeat. He might seem all calm and secure in himself, but Thomas’ heart races.

I wet my lips and pull away from him, leaving my hand on his heart.

“I do have feelings for you,” I whisper. “You’re right. I’m scared. You hurt me Thomas, you scared the crap out of me. I know you have a dark side.”

My fingers curl around his chest muscle and I allow his slow heartbeat to soothe me. He terrifies me, but I love him. How the hell does that work?

“Yes.”

“I know you’ve done things that you won’t talk about and Sylvia won’t talk about.”

“I have.”

I close my eyes and swallow. As I shut my eyes, his warmth becomes more intense and so does my desire for him. I know it’s wrong. I know he’s done horrible, shitty things and that he’s far from perfect, but my body can’t help how it responds to him. He’s insanely attractive and I’m only human. It’s not like every other girl on this campus doesn’t find the tall, tattooed mysterious athlete alluring.

I hate being like other people, but in this way, I’m totally like every other girl here. Thomas can’t walk into a room without my eyes finding him. I love his light brown hair, his clear gray eyes and the way his firm biceps glisten whenever he wears a tank top. My tongue turns into a cotton ball in my mouth from not wanting to talk about my feelings – from learning that talking about my feelings could fuck things up.

“If I trust you, Thomas, you’ll break my heart. I can’t let a guy break my heart.”

“Maybe you’ll break mine,” He whispers.

“I wouldn’t want that either.”

“Let’s make a deal then,” he murmurs. “I take things really fucking slow with you, even if you’re right. I want more.”

“Sex?”

“Yes,” he chuckles. “I can’t lie, even if it would be in my best interest. I want to sleep with you. I suppose that’s why I got so bothered that other men here have had you already.”

My throat tightens. Thomas doesn’t get it. Other men had me a long time ago. There’s so much about my past that he still doesn’t know and it’s not the thing you blurt out and trauma dump over a guy you like, but you can’t help but think that if he knew the truth about you, he wouldn’t see you as this ethereal princess. He’d think I was trash because I didn’t get to this school without having to work for Making It With The Robinsons.

“Can I get bothered that Kola kissed you?”

Thomas chuckles. “She said I was the worst kisser ever and that white boys had no lips.”

“What?”

“I convinced her to try to make you jealous for me.”

“Why the hell did she agree to that?”

“I dunno. Maybe she believes in love.”

I roll my eyes. It’s bad enough he’s talking about courting and dating me without sex. I don’t even want to hear him say the L-word.