Page 26 of When It’s All Said And Done

“Ok, nothing. He’s still in the streets so I can’t even depend on him to be here forever. I gotta keep movin’ as if it’s just me. Can’t afford to get comfortable and have the rug snatched from under me and Nyla. The first time it was just me and I was able to put a piece of rug under us, but if that’s gone, I don’t know how I’d be able to bounce back while she’s hurtin’.”

“I understand that, and I’m with you ‘bout not wantin’ to see my God baby hurt. But are you sure you’re not usin’ that as a way to continue keepin’ him away from you for breakin’ yo’ heart?”

“Let me find out you went out and got yo’ degree in therapy.”

“You know I get my Dr. Phil on every blue moon but stop dodgin’ the question. Are you sure you’re keepin’ this wall up for protection and not hurt?”

“Honestly, I don’t know. If you would’ve asked me that when he got out a few weeks ago, I’d be able to answer that without hesitation. But now…”

“You’re torn,” she answered for me.

“Yeah, I don’t know why though. I was doin’ good with keepin’ Nas at arm’s length.”

“You must have started the arm’s length rule after y’all fucked.”

“Yas, please! I’m tryin’ to forget ‘bout that.”

“And that’s why yo’ ass torn. Cause you tryna block out yo’ heart. Because no way you just givin’ it out like that.”

“I mean that’s my first, but I get what you sayin’. I just gotta get my head right and then I’ll be back on my game. I don’t want my emotions to ever get in the way of Nyla’s relationship with her dad. That’s why I’m able to be around him because I think of Nyla first instead of myself.”

“I see that trust me I do, but I also see the way you light up at the mention of his name. The more you keep frontin’ the harder the fight is gonna get.”

“Listen it ain’t no reason for us to even be talkin’ like that ‘cause I’m with Desmond.”

“Oh, Nessa, please. Like be so fuckin’ forreal. His ass hangin’ on by a wing and a prayer. Need to put him out of his fuckin’ misery like them white folks did that dog. Like have mercy on him.”

“No, I was really gonna focus on me and him movin’ forward. It’s just not lookin’ good with him behavin’ like this.”

“Have you heard from him yet?”

“Nope, I’m just tryin’ to see what kind of excuse he’s gonna come up with when I see him.”

“Whatever it is you need to drop his ass like a bad habit.”

“Ugh. Look I don’t even wanna talk ‘bout these damn niggas. I need to be out there looking for my car. Let me put on some clothes and we’ll hit the streets.”

“Girl, let me take a shower first.”

“Ok.”

After she showered and dressed in the clothes she kept over my house, we hit the streets to see if we could find my car ourselves. We searched the 305 for hours until we decided to head back in. The little hope I had was now nonexistent as I got out of Yas’ car. After we planned for me to drop her off at work tomorrow, I gave her a hug before going into the house. I wasn’t in there good enough before there was another knock at the door.

“Yo’ ass must have left somethin’ here?” I wondered thinking it was Yas at the door as I opened it. Imagine my surprised when I saw Desmond standing there looking like a sorry ass excuse for a man. “What yo’ ass doin’ here?”

“Damn, that’s how you greet yo’ nigga?” He scoffed.

“Oh, now you’re my nigga? Where was my nigga when I blew his phone up all yesterday?”

“My phone broke. What was goin’ on?”

“Really, Desmond?”

“Yes, really. Now again what was goin’ on?”

“My car wa…”

Before I could finish my sentence, Nas pulled up in my car with Nyla sitting in the front seat. The way Desmond’s facial expression changed, I couldn’t help but pray that nothing popped off. As I watched Nas in dad mode as he helped Nyla out the car, I got turned on by the sight. It made me think about how he had me calling him daddy just a few steps away. When they made it to us, I cleared my head of my naughty thoughts as I became excited that he’d found my car.