Page 79 of A Raven Repents

Giles scoffed. “If only that were true.”

“It’s absolutely true. You will not be treated any differently here, Giles. Not after the next three days, anyway. Until then, you will be only on the balcony. But that’s just a precaution in case a scuffle breaks out. You must be tired tonight, though.”

“I am tired. Tired of lying in bed. Tired of having people fret over me.”

After a moment, Ash nodded, but he still didn’t look pleased. “Don’t push yourself too much. If you decide you want to leave after an hour or two, just go. You won’t need my permission. Now get over here and help us count.”

Fitz clapped him on the shoulder. “I’m glad you’re doing better.”

As the evening went on, it didn’t escape his notice that he was never left alone. Either Ash or Allister was always on the balcony with him. He tried his best to be grateful rather than resentful, but it wasn’t easy. They were only there because they cared about him. But by being there, they made his presence completely superfluous.

He did make it until the end of the night, but his body was tired. And apparently, he wasn’t very good at hiding the fact, because as they counted the cash and chips at the first table, Ash’s eyes continued to flick to him.

“I’ll go,” he said, holding up his hands.

Still not in a hurry to get home, he walked, despite the drizzling rain. The weather rather mirrored his mood. Dreary, melancholy, dark, and cold. Brennan followed closely behind. Apparently, Giles had security now, and not just his wife.

He hadn’t talked to Ash again about Christina’s father. In his mind, the easy answer was to just kill the man and be done with it. But Christina still cared about him, and Giles had already caused her enough pain for one lifetime.

He stopped, and turned to face Brennan. “What do you think we should do with her father?”

“It’s not my place to have opinions on such things. I simply do as I’m told.”

“It would seem right now your place is just to follow me around like a puppy. And I can’t even refuse your security, because I’m not capable of defending myself.”

“I know you’re probably angry with me, boss. And when you’re feeling better, you’re welcome to give me a beating.”

That managed to quell his ire a bit. “Ash says you did your best to protect her.”

“My best wasn’t good enough, though. Was it?”

“Neither was mine.” Giles patted Brennan’s shoulder. “Goodnight. I’m sure I can make it inside on my own.”

“Goodnight, boss.”

As he climbed the stairs to his room, he wasn’t sure which he wanted more. For Christina to be in his bed, or for her to not be. And when she wasn’t, he was both relieved and heartbroken. He brushed his hand over the smooth bedding as he passed, selfishly wishing she was underneath. He missed holding her. Feeling her warm body against his. They’d only just found happiness, and her father had snatched it away.

With a defeated sigh, he sat on the side of the bed and dropped his forehead into his palms. His skin wasn’t used to the eyepatch, and it chafed.

So far, he hadn’t even seen what lay beneath. Too much of a coward to look. He chuckled under his breath, remembering that first day when he’d demanded a mirror. But that was before he’d felt it. Before he knew it was real. Since then, he’d never dared to ask again.

Perhaps tonight it was time to finally look.

When he raised his head, Thistle stood silently in the door to his dressing room. Giles had been harsh with him earlier. He’d been harsh with everyone lately.

“I’m sorry, Thistle.”

“No need to apologize, sir. You’re going through a difficult time right now, and you don’t have to pretend otherwise with me.”

“Thank you. I’ll take care of myself tonight if you don’t mind. I’d like some time alone. I haven’t had even a moment of that in a long while.”

“Of course. Ring for me if you change your mind.”

Giles sat for a long time before finally walking into his dressing room. He lit a lamp near his dressing table and sat down. No wonder everyone was so worried about him. He looked as bad as he felt. He was pallid, with a dark circle beneath his remaining eye. Was he brave enough for this? His heart pounded as he reached for the straps. It was time.

The image staring back at him was not quite as monstrous as he had expected it to be. Right now, the lid was sewn shut, but the stitches weren’t obvious. The other stitches, repairing the injuries above and below, had all been removed. The thing that was most disturbing, was that there was nothing behind the skin, giving it a rounded shape. It appeared sunken. Perhaps a prosthetic eye would be better than just emptiness, but the thought still made nausea roil in his stomach. He’d give it a chance, though. He could only hope it would be enough to make him worthy of being a husband again.

He put the patch back into place, and changed into his pajamas. He groaned as he slid under the blankets. “I missed you,” he said to the bed.