Page 5 of Puck of My Life

I didn’t remember most of the drive out of town, but I’d bought my place for one reason. The land behind it was a dark stretch of woods that led into the hills and didn’t belong to anyone. On the nights when the pain hurt the worst, the tree line was the only thing that kept me from coming apart.

And tonight was bad.

I left the truck parked at an odd angle in the drive and didn’t lock it, not that I needed it out here. My shirt was off before I hit the trees, and I tossed the boots somewhere. My beast took his fur while I was still half dressed and my jeans and briefs didn’t make it. RIP to them.

The shift sharpened my senses as I gave way to my beast. And though there was always pain when bones broke and formed, I welcomed it because this pain was freeing. There were no decisions to make about where to go, what to do, or who to avoid, and I was safe inside him with my thoughts. I didn’t have to perform for anyone, and my wolf and I didn’t have to hide our grief.

My wolf wasn’t tired out here. He ran and chased whatever prey he scented through the birches and along the ridge where a fierce wind ripped through the branches. The moon provided a trail of light, not that my beast needed it.

During the hunt, the sharp piercing pain in my chest faded to an ache. This was what counted as peace in our lives.

My wolf scented deer, and he followed its scent. He was patient and slow while he stalked the animal, before he became a blur of fur and teeth as he took it down. And when his belly was full, he lay on the ground and was quiet. It wasn’t the same stillness as when he was grieving but the good kind of quiet.

This was the closest we ever got to being okay, out here with no one watching.

I looked up at the dark sky and wondered if Walter could see the same patch of clouds. Unlikely as he was probably still on the other side of the continent. He was out there, being safe and never knowing the deal I’d made where I’d traded my happiness for his life.

But I’d do it again if given the chance.

My wolf sighed and put his head on his paws. Same time tomorrow?

Yep.

It was the only activity that kept me from breaking down.

4

WALTER

When my big boss and editor-in-chief, Truman, called me into his office for a new assignment, I had assumed it was about the farmers’ market opening up in one of the now-defunct box stores. From the bits and pieces I’d heard, they had been working behind the scenes in preparation for a huge announcement. The goal of the project was to reclaim unused space and turn it into a third space of sorts. They were trying to make a whole vibe of it, and I’d been hoping it would be one of my assignments for a while now. We’d been putting in calls to get the interviews, but so far had only gotten back crickets.

My assumption had been wrong, my boss looking at me like I was about to be fired or at the very least reprimanded when I first walked in. He told me to sit down, and my stomach dropped. My mind went in so many directions, from making a mistake when fact-checking to budget issues, but it kept coming back to Robert asking me out. I hadn’t been the one to make the move, and technically, I didn’t think either of us broke a rule since we didn’t work in the same departments or on the same projects.

I was busy trying to formulate a response when he began talking. It took him a few attempts before I heard his actual words. If I wasn’t already in trouble, I was doing a great job to assure I would be by the end of the meeting. Only, now that I was looking at him, Truman looked similarly nervous. What was happening?

“Walter, I have a favor to ask you and I need you to not say no.” He didn’t meet my eyes, which was unusual for him. Maybe having him ask me about Robert would’ve been better.

“Why does it feel like I’m not going to enjoy this favor?”

“Well, you might not, but I’ll make it up to you. Joseph is sick today. Like, really sick. He’s going to get his appendix out as soon as they can get the surgeon there.”

That sucked. I didn’t know Joseph well, but he was nice enough. I understood my boss’s desire to let me know he wasn’t cough-cough sick and actually at the amusement park with his kids, but it felt weird hearing about his condition in this way.

“Do you need me to finish up an article for him?” He wrote about sports, national to some extent, but mostly local. That wasn’t my skill set, but I was good at cleaning up other people’s half-finished projects.

“More than that, I need you to do a story.”

“Listen, I really appreciate the opportunity, but I don’t know anything about sports.”

I’d never been a sports kinda guy. When my dorm was all excited about the Super Bowl, I’d been playing video games with my roommate. For the most part, I understood the rules if we played them in gym class, but that was it. I wasn’t someone who attended games or watched anything on TV. I couldn’t even tell you who the local teams were here.

“It’s not really a sports story, though.”

“I think you need to explain because I’m getting very confused.”

“The local hockey team, the Cascade Kodiaks, are really involved in a hockey league for kids, making sure that finances don’t prevent kids from learning to love the sport.”

“Uh-huh.”