Page 1 of Be More Octopus

Part One

Spring 2018

CHAPTER ONE

Em heard a buzzing sound. She checked her phone. Nothing. It must have been someone else's. She went back to looking out the window as the bus slowly made its way into Birmingham city centre through the morning rush hour traffic.

The buzzing sound happened again. It was definitely close by. She looked down and spotted a splash of claret and blue plastic in the crack between the seats: Connor's phone with its distinctive Aston Villa cover. It must have fallen out of his pocket when he got off the bus a couple of stops ago.

Em picked it up. There was a text message notification on the screen. Should she unlock it to check what it was? Connor had given her his passcode months ago when they'd been waiting for an Uber. Desperate to relieve himself of some of the ten pints of beer he'd downed that evening, he'd left his phone with Em so she could track the car while he disappeared behind a hedge.

The text could be from the manager of their wedding venue. He'd promised to come back to Connor about squeezing in four extra guests for their wedding breakfast. But it was unlikely to be him this early in the morning. It was probably Connor getting someone else to text his phone to find out where it was.

Either way, she ought to check. Em tapped in the six-digit code. The message appeared:

See you at 12.30 ♥️♥️♥️

The hearts were worrying. The sender's name simply said 'A'. Odd, but obviously someone Connor knew.

Em clicked on the notification. No other texts, just that one. A's contact details didn't give any clues either - only the mobile number and the single-letter name.

The phone buzzed again - another text from A.

Check WhatsApp

Em did as she was told. There was plenty to read there. So much that Em missed her stop.

CHAPTER TWO

Em couldn't face going to work. She phoned the office and left a message saying she needed the day off due to a family emergency. She couldn't bear the thought of going back to the flat she shared with Connor either.

After walking around the city centre on autopilot, mulling over everything she'd seen on Connor's WhatsApp chat with A, she found herself sitting in St Paul's Square, working out what to do next.

A pigeon waddled towards her, staring up at Em expectantly.

‘I’ve got nothing to feed you. Sorry.’

The pigeon came closer. Another bird landed nearby and started walking towards it, cooing loudly, its ruff puffed up, and its head bobbing up and down manically - a male pigeon fancying his chances. Em's pigeon ignored him.

‘Do you know what a female octopus would do in this situation?’ Em said. ‘She would throw things at him.’

Em smiled, remembering the school trip to an aquarium when she'd first learned how a female octopus dealt with unwanted male attention by throwing rocks at her potential suitor. From then on, whenever someone was being annoying, her best friend, Lucy, would advise Em to 'be more octopus'.

Em’s pigeon tilted her head as if she were giving Em's suggestion serious consideration. But the only potential projectile in pecking distance was a crumpled brown leaf, useless for putting off her suitor. Em’s pigeon elected to flutter away down the path, with the male strutting keenly after her. Em lost sight of them as they disappeared behind the church in the centre of the square.

Em leaned back on the bench. She needed to be more octopus too.

She noticed the inscription on the back of the bench. In memory of Alan and Audrey - together again 20 May 2008. Did Alan join Audrey in the afterlife, or did Audrey go first? Were they genuinely happy to be reunited? She thought of her parents and the fulfilling life her father was leading now that her mother had shuffled off this mortal coil. If there were an afterlife, he wouldn’t be happy to be reunited with his wife and her domineering ways. Not that Em wanted to see her mother again, either.

Perhaps reincarnation was a better option - no annoying relatives and exes to deal with. Instead, you'd get a whole new bunch of people to learn to live with. Or pigeons? Who knew what creature you would be in your next life? She was certain that Connor would be coming back as a snake.

The inscription didn’t indicate how long Alan and Audrey had been together, but it was probably longer than the three years that Em had been with Connor. What a pity she hadn’t been more octopus when she first met him, leering at her drunkenly at a wedding.

‘There you are.’ Lucy’s familiar voice snapped Em back to reality.

‘Where did you spring from?’

‘I needed your advice, but you’ve ignored my texts, so I checked where you were on Snapchat.’