Page 78 of Be More Octopus

'Your unreasonable behaviour! I thought that's what she suggested in the letter.’

‘It was, but she’s changed the wording now.’

‘How is that fair?'

'It isn't fair. But I have to be pragmatic. She'll never admit that she's done anything wrong. It's better than waiting for five years.'

'So what have you been doing that's so unreasonable?'

'We've agreed that I work excessively and I don't socialise with her. I can live with that. It's a big improvement on how she described me in the original divorce papers.'

'So that's it then.'

'It should be. I was beginning to think it would never happen. I ought to be celebrating.'

'I can see if Nancy's got some champagne in the fridge? She usually does.'

'No, I don't want to tempt fate. Let's save the celebration until I get the decree nisi.'

CHAPTER FIFTY-FIVE

'I'll just get this out of the way, and then I'll help you with the sofa bed,’ Em called out to Lucy, who was in Em's bathroom, unpacking her toiletries.

It was Friday evening, and the new guests had settled in. Lucy had arrived ten minutes ago, and now they were getting ready to enjoy the weekend. Em was ironing a blouse to wear tonight.

'I thought you hated ironing?' Lucy said as she walked back into the living room.

'I used to because I never made a good job of it. But Jack's given me some tips, and it's much easier. My clothes look like I've ironed them now.' She proudly held up the crease-free garment. 'He's teaching me how to cook as well.'

'Have you got some weird pupil-teacher relationship going on?' Lucy looked horrified. 'Have you taught him anything?'

'How to fold fitted sheets neatly. And how to put on a duvet cover easily.'

'Oh, my god. You've only known him for a few weeks. You're meant to do all this domestic bliss stuff after you've got bored with fucking one another's brains out. You haven't been secretly fucking one another's brains out, have you?'

'No. You know we haven't. And I hope it would take a bit longer than five weeks to get bored with that.'

'You got fed up with that hot Argentinian in three weeks.'

'He had to go back to Argentina. And it was never going to turn into a long-term relationship.'

'So apart from swapping domestic tips and hints and kidding yourselves that neither of you is ready for another relationship, what have you and Jack got in common?'

Em started putting the ironing board away. ‘Not much but it's easy being in his company.'

'You could say that about a dog.'

'You were the one who was pushing me to seduce him.'

'I wasn't expecting it to get this mundane this quickly. I wanted some excitement for you, not someone you could discuss housekeeping techniques with.'

'It's not mundane!' Was it? It did look that way to an outsider, Em supposed. If they ever did get it together romantically, would it get boring quickly? Bloody Lucy, sowing the seeds of doubt in her mind. She was usually more positive than this. Em was starting to wish Lucy had stayed in Birmingham.

'You said you could see what I saw in him when you met him the other week.'

'I think I must've been looking at him through rose-tinted glasses.'

'You'll get another chance to meet him on Sunday. He's cooking lunch for us all in the main house. His old best friend will be there too.'