Page 63 of On The Edge

Cat blushed, shaking her head a little, refusing to take the compliment, and started talking about her recent new undertaking.

“Swimming everyday?” Patrick shouted? “But it’s freezing in that water!”

“Honestly, it’s not so bad once you go in, I’ve started just going in wearing my swimsuit. Come on, I thought you were a strong Irishman, not a wee wimp!”

“Oh jeez I’m not sure I could do it!” He shuddered. “Maybe once in a while, but not everyday!”

“I’ll need to get you in the water, I’m sure you’ll change your mind!” Was she flirting with him?

“You really are a mermaid aren’t you?” Patrick shook his head slowly his expression changing into awe. Cat turned to him with a puzzled look. “I had a dream about you after the first time we met, you were swimming in the sea, leading me to dry land. It was the strangest dream...” He said, his words drifting to a stop.

Cat turned to face the fire. She stared into the flames and was momentarily lulled by the cracking of the logs. She felt at peace with herself, happy in her own life. I can’t do this anymore. She sighed and prepared herself to be honest. No more. “You said... you said you were passing by? I’m at the end of a single-track road for a mile. You can’t be just passing by, Patrick?” Cat looked at him quizzically, but all he did was smile, and continue sipping his drink. “Look Patrick, it’s nice to see you. You were really good to help me with decorating this place, I owe you, but -”

“Yes, you do.” His eyes twinkled, but this time Cat was absolutely going to ignore them.

“But, sorry - enough is enough. What’s… going on?” She looked directly at him. “I’m sick of the games.”

Patrick sat very still, his smile fading with each passing instant. “You’re sick of the games?” He took off his hat and ruffled his hair, agitated. “Each time I meet you, you treat me differently. I don’t know where I am with you.”

“Oh come on Patrick!” Cat protested, but then couldn’t help thinking of their previous meetings; her swooning over him, then shouting at him, then throwing herself at him, then being angry with him, then aloof... She didn’t know what to say. So she just sat there, unable to look at him.

He sighed. “But I can’t stop thinking about you. Every day, hoping I would see you, just catch a glimpse of you.”

“What?” The word caught in her throat. Cat couldn’t move.

“I came here tonight, against my better judgement admittedly, as, well - I know we can’t be together, given you have a boyfriend. I just needed to tell you, it’s been eating away at me.” He gulped the rest of his drink and placed the cup on the table. The moment seemed to last an eternity and all Cat could do was stare at him, speechless. “I shouldn’t have come.” He got up to leave. “I don’t know what I was thinking, I just -” he stuttered, “I just wanted you to know I think you’re beautiful”. He shook his head in gentle disbelief, turned to leave, stomped his wellies on and walked out the door. Cat was still in utter shock and by the time she got up to try to catch him, he had driven off. The snow continued to fall heavily, and was already lying thickly on the ground.

“Damn it!” Cat didn’t know what to do. It was too dangerous to drive; she didn’t trust her little car. Jess was right, it’s turning into a storm after all. She closed the door that Patrick had left open, shut off her lights and sat down, contemplating what to do in the darkness, with only the glow of the fire. What just happened? Cat’s heart thumped so hard in her chest, she almost got up to run after Patrick in the snow, but realised she would be walking at least a mile in this snowstorm, before anyone found her on the road. She paced her living room, asking herself questions but not getting any answers. She needed help, so she called Jess immediately and explained what had happened with Patrick.

“Uh... yeah I know?” Jess said in bored tone. “Of course he liked you, but you told me you weren’t that interested in him, and you wanted to concentrate on your work?”

“I didn’t say that! I mean, I didn’t tell you!” Cat looked for the words. “But I thought he was a player, you know a different girl every weekend. I saw him with a girl a few times recently and -”

“Well I don’t know about that, but I did understand he liked you – it was pretty obvious, Cat! - and you weren’t that interested after the night you snogged him... oh yeah, then Johnny came up and you didn’t speak about Patrick after that at all, really.”

Then it hit Cat: Patrick had thought Johnny was her boyfriend. Surely it was obvious he was just her friend? But then, maybe to someone on the outside, it may have looked differently; Johnny was attractive, and had been entirely affectionate to her in public. Had she been treating Patrick all this time just like she had treated Dave? Was she always going to be afraid of letting anyone in? The fear of not telling anyone about how she felt was beginning to haunt her. She hadn't even confided in Johnny about Patrick.

“Oh no... ” Cat jumped at the knock on her door. She rang off the phone and opened the door to find Patrick, breathing heavily.

“It’s too dangerous out there, my car skidded into a ditch.”

Cat took him in and placed him in front of the fire. She poured him a shot of whisky to steady his nerves.

“You’re shaking really badly.” She touched his cold fingers. “Are you OK?”

“I’m fine, I just wasn’t expecting the snow to be that thick. I’ve never seen it that bad on this road.” He drank the whisky deeply.

“Patrick, are you with someone?”

“With someone? No? It was just me in the car!” He seemed confused, then looked away from her back his now empty glass.

“No, I mean, I saw you with the girl at your house.”

He looked at her blankly. “I haven’t been seeing anyone.”

“I saw you... kiss the other night, at your house... and she was at your house when I called around before, too.”

“I didn’t know you came to the house?” Realisation dawned on him, and he sighed, exasperated. “Clare, you must mean Clare.”

Cat searched his eyes for more information, hoping in her heart, for some reason, that the answer to her next question would be a no. “Is she your ex, back from Australia?”

Patrick shook his head. “She’s my housemate’s girlfriend. She was coming over all the time, and then she started to come over when he wasn’t there... and say she’d wait for him... I didn’t mind her, but she was my mate’s girl. I didn’t want to tell him – I didn’t want to tell anyone! - but yes, she kissed me the other night outside the house.” He turned to Cat. “But believe me, I was never interested in her, in anyone else but you. Though, when I saw you with your boyfriend at the ferry…”

“He’s not my boyfriend!” Cat blurted out. “He’s a friend, one of my best friends. He’s married too; he was going through marriage problems, so, I was here for him - only as a friend!” The noise of the crackling fire continued as a silence fell between them.

The snowstorm outside whistled and whirled around her cottage, but Cat didn’t care. What mattered was right here, this second, with Patrick.

“So you were always single? When we kissed... until now?”

“And you too?” Her heart pounded.

They both nodded their replies and laughed.

Cat rubbed his arms and hands without thinking. “You’re still shaking.”

Patrick touched her cheek with his cold hand.

“Am I?” He took her hands in his and kissed them. “I want you, Cat.” Then pushing back her hair, he took her head in his strong hands and kissed her softly. Cat could feel the musician’s calluses on his fingertips as he pulled her forwards. She knelt into the gentle movement of his lips, then passionate hunger consumed them both. Clothes came off so naturally and so quickly in between breathless kisses, neither wanting any moments wasted between them. They locked together on the sofa; Cat wrapped her legs around him as his firm body held onto her tightly. He kissed her neck, as she untied her hair, letting her curls fall loosely over her shoulders. He ran his fingers through them, his touch continuing down her bare back before stopping to look at her. “You are so beautiful.” Cat couldn’t wait any longer; she wanted him with everything she had, and pulled his mouth onto hers again. The light from the flames danced up and down the walls, as he broke away, and knelt down on the floor by the fire. He held out his hand to Cat, and she went to him.