Page 49 of Blue Line

He reaches for me, and I take another step back, even though my body screams at me to let him touch me. But I can’t. I swallow, trying to compose myself.

“That was good, err, practice. I had fun on our date, but I’m going to bed.” I hook a thumb over my shoulder before spinning on my heel. “See you around,” I call behind me as I all but sprint to my room, closing the door and locking it behind me for good measure.

“See you around,” I mutter to myself, cringing as I pace the room.

What the hell am I doing? Better yet, what the hell was that kiss? I touch my lips.

I pull my phone out of my pocket and throw myself onto the bed. I check the time and decide it’s not too late in Colorado to call Callie.

“Hey, girl, hey,” she says when she answers the phone.

“We went out on a date, and then I kissed him,” I blurt out.

“What?”

“I know,” I whine, covering my face with my hand.

“Breathe, Hads.” I do as she says, feeling a little better with each inhale and exhale. “Now tell me what happened.”

So I do. I tell her everything that’s been going on for the past few weeks, including our date tonight.

“And we kissed. It was supposed to be practice so we don’t give ourselves away at the photo shoot thing. But …”

“It didn’t feel like practice.”

“Exactly. I want to do it again. And more.” I cringe.

“So why don’t you?”

“Because he’s Holt’s best friend, and this is fake.”

“So? Maybe it could be real.”

“It would be awkward. He’s Holt’s best friend. He’d still be around. In my life. Plus, I’m afraid …”

“Ding. Ding. Ding. Hate to break it to you, but that’s the real reason. You’re afraid.”

“I was going to say I’m afraid of how I’ll feel once we end and I see him with his future wife. Because we both know that’s what always happens. This time it won’t be like seeing Henry with his fiancée or finding out any of my other exes are engaged or married to the woman they dated after me.”

“Why?”

I’m silent for a few beats, trying to find the courage to say the words out loud. Admit how I really feel.

“Because breaking up with him would break my heart.”

“Shit, Hadley,” Callie whispers.

“I know.” I blink away tears. “If I’m being honest with myself, I didn’t really see a future with any of the other guys I dated. Sure, I liked them, and it was fun being with them. But this, he, feels different. I think I could …”

“You could fall in love with him?”

I let out a watery laugh. “Bingo.” I run a hand over my face, wiping the tears away.

“Why do you think it wouldn’t work out?”

“Because relationships never work out for me.” I pull the blanket I keep folded at the end of the bed over me, even though I’m still fully clothed.

“But you just said—”