Page 76 of Learning to Love

Everything Fearless 24/7

The Boys of Fall are on a roll and the road to the Championship is being forged. Nothing will ruin our good fortune. #LonghornsForever

I smile at Sonia, my therapist in greeting. I'm relieved that our session is only an hour long today. I found out last night that my sperm donor wants to postpone our reunion. He wants nothing to do with me until the resolution of the whole Benji ordeal. He’s asked me not to tell my half-siblings of our relationship until after I testify against Benji and Jeffrey. He wants them safe. I want them safe, too. I'm still hurt, though.

"Any new updates on meeting with your dad?"

"Funny, you should ask. He called me last night for the first time."

"Tell me how the conversation went with your father." She's either the best therapist or the evilest one. She sparks emotions in me that I've buried down deep. I snort but give her what she wants.

Hello.

Hi, Dani. It's your Dad.

Umm...Hey. How's it going?!

I wasn't sure if you would answer. I'm glad you did.

Uh. Thanks. I half laugh, so awkward.

Well, listen, I know you've been through a lot lately, and I'm sorry for that.

But...

Yea, um, but your mom talked to me yesterday, and I know they asked you to testify at the upcoming trial. I don't know how else to say this without being blunt. I can't have my family dragged into the spotlight that it will give.

Yeah. I'm looking forward to that myself.

I can only imagine how you feel and I'm sorry.

Okay.

And I really can't wait until you get to meet your siblings. They will love you but promise me you won't contact them until after the conviction. Please?

I promise. I won't. I would never, I don't want anyone else to get involved in this mess.

Thank you. I want to make my absence up to you. I do. I just can't until after this mess is over.

Well, I'll talk to you whenever I guess.

Yeah. Yeah. That'll be great. Our call ends after that.

She stares at me dumbfounded. "Your dad actually said all of that?"

"Pretty much word for word. I don't think I will ever forget it."

"How did it make you feel?"

I snort again. "Angry. Livid really but also sad."

"Why were you angry?" I stare back at her like she's an idiot. She's obviously not, but that was a stupid question. "Dani, look, you have every right to your anger. I would have honestly told him where he could go, but I want you to learn how to process these feelings. That will help you not only grow as a person but will help your traumas to heal. Speaking them out loud can lead to easier growth."

I nod. When she explains it like that, her question makes sense. "I was angry because I don’t resent his need to protect my brother and sister, I understand it. But what about me? Why doesn't he care enough about me to want to be there for me? It's unfair and our whole first conversation disheartens me. I'm not sure if I want to see or talk to him again. I was finally in a good place about his departure, and then he did this, and while that doesn't take away from the healing that's already occurred, it puts another tiny slash on my heart."

"Dani, I see so much growth in you already. What you have to do now is decide what's best for you. Is it in your best interest to associate with him again? Only you will be able to answer that. When did you find out about the trial?"

"Yesterday, right before daddy dearest called."