Page 12 of Perfect Chaos

“What?! No!” Her voice is high-pitched; she tries to cover it up by fake coughing.

“Hmm, are you sure? You looked flushed.” I can’t help the tease.

“Yeah, I just didn’t expect it. Don’t make it out to be more than it is.”

“If you say so.” I drop the subject even though she is not fooling anyone, not even herself. What will it take for her to admit it? She turns and leaves the room, ending the conversation entirely.

Chapter Nine

Maizyn

Sometimes my own chaos bites me in the ass; this is one of those times. I challenged him to do the trend, thinking there was no way he would be able to do it. There was no way a man I officially met one day ago should’ve known my body well enough to pull it off. He dropped to his knees and my jaw almost followed. I tried to remain in control of the situation. I thought I still had the upper hand. I was wrong. The moment the word ‘go’ left my lips, I knew I had lost. Having his head between my legs, even fully clothed, had my body reacting in a way it definitely shouldn’t. I wanted him there without clothes between us; the thought rattled me. The way Atlas is currently smiling at me, followed by his questioning, means he noticed every bit of what I was feeling. It doesn’t mean anything. Nothing happened. I run from the room before he can ask me any more questions. I can’t give him the answers he wants right now. I don’t even know how I feel about what just happened. I rather not think too hard about it right now.

I make my way to the living room, Atlas hot on my heels. Explaining my panic attack is the last thing I want to do right now, especially after what happened a few moments ago, but I would prefer to get this conversation over with. It's embarrassing to look this weak in front of anyone, but I dragged them into it the moment they had to pull me out of one. The least I can do is explain it to them so they know my triggers and we can try to avoid it next time.

I grab a deck of playing cards from the bookshelf and plop down at the table in the corner. I need the distraction. I won’t be able to get everything out if their full attention is on me.

“Let's play Ring of Fire. We don’t have beer, so we will have to play a different version of it. Can one of you grab the bottle of tequila?” My voice sounds miles away as I move on autopilot.

Atlas stands from his seat, heading to the kitchen to grab the bottle and three shot glasses. It’s not the first time Atlas and I have played this game, so he is not surprised when I suggest it. Gavin, on the other hand, seems confused. “Have you ever played this game, Gavin?”

“No, can’t say I have. What are the rules?”

“It’s pretty simple. The normal game is played with beer, but we will do shots instead. Each card has a different action. For this version, if you draw an ace, everyone takes a shot. Numbers 2-4 the person who draws it gets to pick the action. An example would be if you draw a three and say table, the last person to touch the table has to drink. If you draw a five, guys drink, six girls drink. If you draw a seven or the heaven card, the last person to raise both hands into the air drinks. Draw an eight, pick someone to do a shot with you. Nine is rhyme, ten is categories, and Jack is never have I ever. If you draw a queen, you ask a question and whoever answers it does a shot. Last but not least, if you draw a king, you pour a little bit of tequila into the center cup. If someone draws the fourth king, they have to down the whole cup. Any questions about the rules?”

“Uh, not really. It seems pretty straightforward as long as I don’t forget what the cards mean.”

“If you forget what the card means, you can show Atlas or me; we will tell you.”

“How does this game help us discuss everything?”

“After each round, you two can ask a question I have to answer. At a certain point, I am sure I will be drunk enough we can stop playing the game. Sound good?”

“Yeah, Chaos.”

“Alright. Gavin goes first.”

“Why do I have to go first?” The grimace on his face is almost comical.

“Because you never played before, duh.” My eyes roll involuntarily. I can’t help if they have a mind of their own.

“Fine.” He lets out an exasperated sigh. Then shoots me a death glare as I fill the three shot glasses. I flip him off in return. I may regret it later, but I rather enjoy pissing him off. He flips a card from the deck in the middle of the table; it’s a six. I down my shot in one go and refill it for the next round. Atlas speaks up first.

“What do you remember about last night?”

“I remember dancing on the bar top and Gavin pulling me down because you punched someone. I remember getting carried out and placed in the car.”

I draw the next card. It’s a two. “Floor.” Atlas and I both touch the floor before Gavin even realizes what happened. “Drink, Gavin.”

He throws his shot back. It’s his turn to ask a question. “Do you remember having a panic attack?”

“Yes, I remember having one. I also vaguely remember you pulling me out of it. Thank you for that, by the way.”

“It’s no problem.” He doesn’t make eye contact when he says it, his cheeks tinting a faint pink.

Atlas draws next, pulling an eight from the deck. He points to me; we both drink. He may think he is being clever, but I know he is only trying to get me drunk faster so we can stop playing this game and move on to the real conversation.

“Do you remember what you saw during your panic attack? Anything that would let us know what could have triggered it to begin with.”